Rules for Dating a Female NASCAR Fan

[Busch Babe 899]

1. Before I agree to date you and only you, you must read and agree to all statements in this contract. By signing this you take full responsibility to ensure all rules are followed. By not signing this agreement, dating exclusively is null and void.

This contract is NON-NEGOTIABLE!

2. If you stop insulting stock car racing and concede that it is a real sport, that it takes talent and skill, I will stop calling your WWE wrestling a bad soap opera with untalented actors.

However, I won't stop thinking it.

3. If you take a genuine interest in racing, I will be more than happy to help you gain an intimate understanding of the sport.

4. Events and activities are to be planned AROUND NASCAR races. So learn the race schedule. Under special circumstances (this may not apply) However, If I will miss a race it must be taped using TWO VCRs (just in case one fails). NO special circumstances will be considered for the following races: Daytona 500, either race at Talladega and the Bristol night race! If I am not watching them via satellite then I will be at the track watching them.

5. You already know the normal holidays.....Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving. I have 2 other holidays: Speed Weeks and Daytona. These holidays WILL be observed! (All vacation days will be consumed with Nascar events. ) (If you want a tropical vacation, Nascar stops over in Miami. If you want a destination in the snow, Bristol has a likelihood.

6. During a race I DO NOT accept phone calls. No matter how many times you call.... I will NOT answer.

7. If we are watching a race together...please observe the following rules: Do not touch the remote, television, receiver, or VCR. Doing so will result in serious injury or worse. Do not talk during the race...Duct tape will be used if necessary. You must sit a minimum of five feet away from me. This is partially for your own safety. If you are in a romantic mood, don't attempt to share it with me. Take a cold shower until the race is over. (If you really want to make points with me, make sure there is a cold one in my hand at all time. Caution shots are greatly appreciated.)

8. While couples usually share things, there are some things that are off limits. My racing apparel is off limits....DO NOT TOUCH IT!

9. While you may find Jamaica a romantic vacation spot, I find Bristol, Talladega, Charlotte, and anywhere that has race shops or tracks romantic spots.

10. When I take my vacation, I will be visiting one or more of the places mentioned above. You don't expect me to go deer hunting, and I don't expect you to spend the day at TMS.

11. If we break up and there is stuff to be divided, you can have back anything you gave me with the exception of any racing related items.

You may keep anything I gave you, with the exception of racing related items

12. In the event we move in together, I will require one room to display my NASCAR stuff....The smallest room will not be acceptable.

13. If it comes down to a choice between you and racing......racing will win. (Don't try it.... no amount of love is greater than that of racing.... you will fail miserably)

14. If the opportunity arises that I can get tickets to the Bristol race under the lights, complete with garage access, I will do anything for them. If it requires your assistance, you will do anything to ensure I get them.

[skool]

OH MY !

 ..........ok.... ....Let's go racing


(Thank my lucky stars I"M the one that can get tickets to Bristol in August   

[Busch Babe 899]

Ahhhh, the prized "Nascar-fan-Bristol-Nite-race-ticket-bearer"...of course, this contract would go both ways for you!! And MIGHT have a little wiggle-room....

[Chris]

Golly Gee.. thats sounds most surely inviting...
 

Got access to both Bristol races each year (or have had the last three years)... None of the folks around here want to go (too much traffic... wusses)  Be nice to have someone to go with.
 

You are welcome to move your stuff into my basement... it's a full size basement and is "total NASCAR".  Be glad to have you add your collection.
 

I like your rules... pretty much like mine.  Saves me writing up a set of my own. 
We do believe in taking a 'shot' every yellow flag.  Pick you flavor
 

Races also seem to "watch" well on my big screen TV with the surround sound.. and the Hot Pass is an added bonus
Often they have "Edwards" as a featured driver.....

I DO sometimes touch the remote (ONE OF YOUR RULES) but that is ONLY to CRANK IT UP and hear the surround sound kick in and get the feel of being there when you are unable to be.

I do have one additional Holiday.  Memorial Day is considered the "High Holy Day".... in general I'm not an INDY car fan.. but growing up in Indiana I do have an interest in the INDY 500.  It pretty much always watch the INDY 500, and then follow that up with the Coke 600.  A great 1100 miles of racing in one day.
 

And last but not least... I don't belive in going out and shooting 'Bambi',.. Nor do I watch that fantasy 'sport' WWE.  You won't have to teach me a lot about Racing, and I've had a genuine interest in it for several years.
 

[skool]

And last but not least... I don't belive in going out and shooting 'Bambi',.. Nor do I watch that fantasy 'sport' WWE.  You won't have to teach me a lot about Racing, and I've had a genuine interest in it for several years.
 

Hey Baby,,,,I do shoot Bambi (with the bow of course) and before the race, I will have put a nice venison loin on the grill so it will be sloooooooooooow cooking to an exquisite tenderness (with all the extras that you like) and ready for our enjoyment after the race is over! MMMMMMMMM Yummy Yummy!!!!!

[KimD]

Cute!

[FS Kurt]

I missed a Talladega race to see pandas at the Washington zoo...she knew it was true love then.

[skool]

I missed a Talladega race to see pandas at the Washington zoo...she knew it was true love then.

You still got her?

Would you do it again? Or would you be like..."Screw them bears! I've seen em. You go if you want. Oh but make a sandwich before ya leave, will ya?!"

[Busch Babe 899]

Or would you be like..."Screw them bears! I've seen em. You go if you want. Oh but make a sandwich before ya leave, will ya?!"

LOL I would!!! O-kay, it would probably be more like "Well, if you want to...but you sure you don't want this cold beer and sandwich in front of the TV, with the race going on, before you go???" With the plan of plying him with beer until he forgets about the bears....

[skool]

LOL I would!!! O-kay, it would probably be more like "Well, if you want to...but you sure you don't want this cold beer and sandwich in front of the TV, with the race going on, before you go???" With the plan of plying him with beer until he forgets about the bears....

Pandas Schmandas! Don't worry about me. If I'm gonna see bears, I want to see them in COLOR, not BLACK AND WHITE!

[ChromeHorn]

'Caution shots' ... how is it I never thought of that myself???

[Roswell]

Hey BB, if you serve that sandwich and cold beer while wearing a bare err.. bear suit,  I think there'd be no problem (until the guys in white coats show up anyway)
I'd get a free pass cause most know I ocassionaly take a stroll in a rabbit suit or a big ole bunny suit. No bear suit tho.I got a gorilla, will that work?
You haven't lived until you find yourself driving  south on I-95 with a car full of balloons and wearing a Gorilla suit. "But officer, I'm working here!

[Chief2blu4u]

Roswell, no costumes !!!!!

We have to know what you look like at all times  !!!!!!!!

 

[FS Kurt]

Oh yeah...we're married now!

I did inform her that it wasn't going to happen again and truthfully she puts up with a lot of me being parked on the TV on Sundays. She's starting to understand the sport a little better...she actually called me "Jimmie Johnson" when I was taking a ramp too quickly the other day and she was all proud of herself for knowing his name. 

She was a Elliott Sadler and then a David Gilliland fan because she likes the M&M's car, and she got all upset this year when I told her that the M&M's car was going to be someone else this year. I told her, "honey, you'll be glad, trust me". I haven't been wrong. Except now she's got to be a Kyle Busch fan. Cool with me but might get objects thrown at her at a race. 

[skool]

Well good for you!

If you get her a pair of "Kyle Goggles", at least she wont get stuff in her eyes when they throw it.