JJ has a personality - did we really want to see this?

Quote from: Blu on February 06, 2010, 10:37:20 AM

"My bumps, my bumps, my lovely baby bumps" Sing it JJ! Grin

(with Apologies to Fergie) Wink

It's late, it's been a long day, I'm tired, and I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.
It might be one of those things, a combination of some of them, or it could be a result of all of those things combined, but for whatever reason, "My bumps" and/or "my lovely baby bumps" is goin' right over my pointed head.

Could somebody 'splain what's so funny 'bout that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ POLICE LOG ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sunday February 7, 2010 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A call was received at the North County Sheriff's Sub Station early this evening from a male caller who identified himself using what is assumed to be his first name only. Mr. Chad reported at 6:22 pm that he was involved in some sort of mechanics duties and was unable to locate his driver, who had not been noticed in the general area where he is known to frequent.

Upon checking with others who are known to associate with the driver, it was determined that no one remembered seeing him during the day Sunday, and upon further investigation, it was learned that the driver was last seen heading for his house to watch race cars drive around in circles. That was approximately six-0-clock on Saturday evening.

In light of the oddity of the driver being unaccounted for in the last 24 hours, the Sheriff's Office has taken a missing person-ality report. At this time it is uncertain if the driver is actually a missing person-ality, or just a run-away. The Sheriff's department is following up on any leads as they develop, but as yet, there's been no indication of the driver's where-abouts or any information on his present location and/or condition.

When last seen, the driver was wearing a T-shirt silk-screened with:
My Daddy Knows A Winner
Because He Shops At Lowe's

and a red, yellow and white ball cap, further described as a "NASCAR" cap, embroidered with:
I'M The Champion and You're NOT.

Other identifying characteristics, as described by those who know him best include, "plain", plain ol' vanilla, bland, wall flower, drab, introverted, unflavored, camouflage, ..... with all agreeing on conceited and a legend in his own mind.

But I find that difficult to imagine.
Makes no sense.
I mean, if someone is gonna imagine themselves, why would they imagine themselves with a missing person-ality?
Although, it just might be a pretty good chick magnet.
Birds of a feather?

~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~ REDDISH-ORANGIE-YELLOWISH ALERT ~~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~
_______________________________________ _______________________________________ _____

If anyone has seen, or knows the location of this driver reported as a missing person-ality, please think about calling the Sandy Eggo Sheriff's Office before the driver's meeting in Daytona Beach, Florida, --- prior to the start of the 500 mile auto race.

The Brian, Grand Poobaugh of NASCAR, and who single handily has guided a promising sport of Stock Car Auto Racing through a series of unnecessary, uncalled for and unappreciated changes resulting in a mass exodus of the most loyal fans known to exist anywhere on Earth, offered some insight.

When contacted at his posh, upscale Florida office, decorated with the remains of a few of Florida's savage and unpredictable killer attack palm stumps, ...... taken with a Lexus at 30 ---> 40 mph., and several portraits of Walt Disney's created character, Scrooge McDuck, ....... The Brian was quick to point out that his guidance has transformed a sport filled with tradition, dedication and loyalty, to a full-time big business, of entertainment,

--- bringing countless new curiosity seekers to the tracks on race days.

With the number of empty seats each week, the curious are assured that The Brian will have other entertainment lined up to alleviate the boredom of the race.,

Boredom and/or lack of interest in a passing fad is probably the leading cause for some to leave the track before their wallets are completely drained of all currency.

A cardinal NASCAR No-No.

As a new NASCAR fan, you are what's in your wallet.
The bigger the bulge --- the better.
Think of it as a wedge adjustment, allowing a straighter view when seated, instead of lop-sided leanin' to one side
because that dad-burned over-stuffed wallet is like a spring rubber.
The Brian has a cure for that disability.
Even been known to see like an eagle, and order a caution for debris so you can pull that spring rubber out without losing a lap or spillin' a drop of $8 beer hurryin' back. Probably have time to stop by a souvenir vendor to take a little more wedge out of the rear, left or right --- all depends.

Actually, The Brian's comments were in reply to the Sheriff's office investigation into the missing person-ality report of the NASCAR driver missing a personality. It had been hoped that The Brian would offer publicity and a reward for information leading to the location of the driver with a missing person-ality, thereby hastening his return to the garage area, no doubt to the jubilation of the report filing mechanic with enough person-ality for both of them.

Could be a movie deal in the makin'.
Ol' Walt and Jack were popular at the box office as The Odd Couple.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
What actors would do their part justice?
Chad might be easiest.
Jimmie YawnSome?
Hmmmmmmm, hummmmmm & HuMMMMMMmmm -------
Maybe that economist dude who does the Visene commercials?

OH!
OH!
I got it!
Chad learns to be a ventriloquist,
and what's his name is the what'cha call it.

But, ......... I digress.
My bad.

Back to the story, ...........
The Brian, however, when supplied with the latest information and descriptions of the missing person-ality, couldn't recall any of the drivers who met that description in the current NASCAR line-up.
Or even as far back as he can remember.

Go figure.
But I bet he remembers not to forget his dream of ownin' a team of his own.

Say what?
Rules won't allow the Grand Poohbaugh to be a team owner?
Yeah, but that's NASCAR rules.
The Brian's dreamin' football team.
Imagine that.

Speakin' of imagining, ...................
When it was pointed out that the missing person-ality was indeed, the current reigning Champion,

and the same Champion missing person-ality for the past 4 seasons, in a row, no less.
First time any driver did that in 'bout 60 years.
Yet fans are tunin' NASCAR out?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm
Ain't feelin' the excitement of the entertainment?

Anyway, ...........
The Brian replied, "Oh, HIM?
HaiL!
The jack-booted henchman and I have known that dude for years. He's been a missing person-ality the whole time. Even when he's here, we wonder where he is. No use askin' him though, ......... he's always the last to know.
Mostly, he's just along for the ride.

Did your investigators check his den at home? ---- Over to the right of the big screen televisions there's a potted tree, and right next to that, did your officers notice a floor lamp?"

The reports were checked and there was a floor lamp noted to be located in that precise area in several of the officer's reports.
"Well, there's your missing person-ality right there", The Brian commented. "There is no lamp in that area of his TV room. That's him makin' like a floor lamp.

He does that all the time to avoid meeting folks. If nobody reminds him the guests have departed, he forgets he's not a floor lamp."

At that point, The Brian inquired if he was entitled to a reward for providing information leading to the discovery of Jimmie Yawnsome's missing person-ality.
It was 'splained to him,........................that actually he was, but because he failed to say
Boogity
Boogity
Boogity
He wasn't even a start-N-park.
Besides, there was no money in a reward account anyway.

The Brian didn't seem surprised to learn that no one was willing to donate anything to a reward fund, many attributing their reluctance to the fact that at prior Daytona 500 races, the champion wouldn't dance with them, even though he promised he would.
Instead, leaving them out to dry.

Upon learning those details, the Sheriff's Department refused to continue searching for the champion's missing person-ality, commenting on what a waste of time it has been for them to miss the two dozen for the price of a dozen special on
doughnuts at Dunkin's.

Meanwhile, the missing person-ality is on the maintenance department's list of things to check. Namely, one floor lamp in the TV room at the champ's house that fails to give off any light.
Not a high priority though, and probably no attempt will be made to fix the floor lamp/champ. It's much easier to just replace the floor lamp with another champion at the end of this season.

Hopefully one with a person-ality that actually does light up a room.

I'm thinkin' Rowdy Busch.