NASCAR Humour...

[Cangal48]

The Top 10 Things that have never been said by A NASCAR DRIVER

10.   KASEY KAHNE
       I'm the real matinee idol of NASCAR
9.    JEFF GORDON
       I'm simply the best...better than all the rest...better than anyone

8.   JEFF BURTON
      To think that I gave up my ballet lessons to join NASCAR

7.   MARK MARTIN
      To think NASCAR only pays me $2.50/hr to baby-sit these guys.

6.   DALE JR.
     Everybody likes me...they really like me....they like me

5.   DENNY HAMLIN
     I'm in the chase using the LUCKY DOG RULE

4.  KYLE BUSCH
    My ears and teeth provide the downforce draft I need to win.

3.  KEVIN HARVICK
     Leader of the pack.

2.  JIMMIE JOHNSON
     Sorry ladies, my FIRE PROOF LOMEX UNDERWEAR ARE IN THE LAUNDRY.

1.  MATT KENSETH
     NASCAR gave me the #17, because I can't count any higher.

[Cangal48]

CAPTION THIS:

Following Brian Vickers win at Talladega...photo featuring Rick Hendrick whispering in Brian Vicker's ear on Victory Lane...

Rick Hendrick:  "Gee, Vicks Vapour Rub, great finish, next crew meeting is scheduled for tomorrow.  Don't forget to wear your best Halloween mask, this time you really have to blend in."


Beefing up security at Lowe's Motorspeedway following incident at Talladega...

Headlines:  All Dale Jr. trick-or-treaters will be out in full force canvassing the track...while Jimmie Johnson fans will be handing out "bumper pads".

[Cangal48]

The Great Oval Church of Redemption:  Honours the Papacy of NASCAR

Invocation Prayer:

We at the Great Oval Church of Redemption wish to thank all our sponsors, fans, track officials, security personnel and God for this beautiful day of racing.  We especially pray for our drivers that they may be safe, free from harm, personal or fatal injury or illness while circling the track in search of their first "victim"...I mean "prey"....I mean "win."  We ask the drivers and their sponsors to demonstrate sportsmanship like conduct...keep finger gestures to a minimum of two, throwing helmets at the enemy to the first take out, and refrain from creating a media frenzy by referring to your pit crew as "morans, idiots, etc."  Refrain from using profanity only when the caution flag is out.  REMEMBER DRIVERS WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND, THAT'S OUR MODEL HERE AT NASCAR.  We ask all drivers to play by the rules while the cameras are on, once the broadcast is over it's EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.  Finally, we bow our heads and pray this WILD CAT WALK OUT BY PIT CREW PERSONNEL AND CHIEFS will end before the first caution flag, if not, drivers you are on your own...remember be friendly, adversity will be smiling down on you today.  There is much work ahead boys, remember the Lord has the STOPWATCH, so pit safely.  Good luck, God bless...because God knows you are going to need it.

Service will begin with a brief order of CONFESSION: To be read aloud by Ragan #06

Worship Leader:  Pastor Lugs Nutz

Assistant worship Leader:  Penelope Pit Stop

Communion Assistant:  Bob Restrictor Plates

Reader of Lessons:  Barnie Highbanks

Todays reading sif from the GOSPEL ACCORDING TO JEFF GORDON.
Title:  BUMP-DRAFTING...Chapter 1 vs The NASCAR RULE BOOK and GAME BOARD
This will be followed by a short audio-video

COFFEE HOUR THEME:
How to be a hypocrite when nudged by a teammate?
This will be followed by a short audio-video presented by the #48 Team
The NASCAR HYPOCRATIC OATH TO BE READ ALLOWED BY:  Teammates Jimmie Johnson and Brian Vickers.

Contributers:  We wish to thank Dale Jr. and the Earnhardt foundation who's slogan reads:  IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX THE DANG THING.

GENTLEMEN START YOUR ENGINES...

[Tyyrus]

Welcome aboard Cangal48...... from Northern Ontairo...Eh !  Stick around.. quite a Nice Group

[Cangal48]

Thanks Tyyrus for the warm greeting...appears to be a great group!  Yeh! Canada oh! baby"

[nascarbabe2U]

           L O L.......

The Great Oval Church of Redemption:  Honours the Papacy of NASCAR

too cute 'CG'..remind me to call ya next time I need to plan meeting I like your style

  Welcome Aboard.......

yeah it's a 'Great Group' and 'Wonderful Family' even though those boyz just get outta hand sometimes !!!!!!!

[AfterShock]

Outta hand ----- Outta mind.
And Outta control.

[nascarbabe2U]

You forgot

'Outta Sight'   

[AfterShock]

And,..........Outta limits

[nascarbabe2U]

Oh really 

as long as you aren't

Outta Time......

[AfterShock]

Or, ......Outta here.

[nascarbabe2U]

or...outta the game !

[AfterShock]

How 'bout,.....ran outta talent?

[nascarbabe2U]

how about yer Outta yer mind ....NEVER !

go for a walk....Outta Doors....outta the city 

[AfterShock]

Isn't an "outta" a small,
furry animal.