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Jeff Meyer · Wednesday September 21, 2005
(BSNews, 9-21-05) While most main stream racing reporters were bantering amongst themselves about whether NASCAR is in control of it's participants and what punishment should be handed down to those who engage in "unprofessional conduct", BSNewswire's own investigative reporter, Ima Lyre, uncovered startling news about NASCAR's top man, Brian France.
"Following the antics at the race in New Hampshire this past week, it seems that every reporter and their mother is saying that NASCAR should have done this or should have done that," says Ima. "All that is passÃ©. Anyone with have a brain should know that current policies and fines by NASCAR is pure fluff!"
"If you really want to send a message to these guys, make the FIRST fine 100 grand! Let it go up from there. After 300 (grand), you are done for the year!" said an animated Lyre. "But that will never happen. That would derail the script for the show, make it dull, and NASCAR certainly doesn't want that!"
Another thing that NASCAR certainly doesn't want, is exactly what Ima Lyre found out; Brian France has a rare medical condition that is baffling the nation's top doctors.
Citing France's limo driver as her source, Lyre says that some of the symptoms of Brian's ailment include puffy, watery eyes, complaints of sore cheeks and facial muscles, and uncontrollable giggling, sometimes accompanied by incontinence.
"The strange thing about this condition," says the nameless limo driver, "is that it always seems to manifest itself when we are on our way to the bank. I drive him to the bank all the time, and it really bites when I have to go back there and clean up the leather seats! This last week it was especially bad!"
Reportedly, France has been suffering from this mystery condition since shortly after taking over the reins of NASCAR. Some doctors believe that it may in fact be an inherited condition that was handed down from past generations but has become more pronounced these last few years, perhaps somehow proportionally linked to the growth of the sport.
While researching this story, Ima Lyre also learned that Vince McMahon has been named as NASCAR's new Vice President of Entertainment.
"I just hope that naming McMahon VP of Entertainment doesn't, in some way, worsen Brian's condition," says Lyre. "I wouldn't hold my breath though!"
Remember folks, news from the BSNewswire is just that!
Stay off the wall (but maybe duck behind it if you happen to piss off Robby Gordon!),
©2000 - 2008 Jeff Meyer and Frontstetch.com. Thanks for visiting the Frontstretch!
Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:
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Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.