The Frontstretch: Top Ten Things That REALLY Were Said In the NASCAR Trailer After the Kurt and Tony Incident….Hollywood Style! by Jeff Meyer -- Tuesday February 12, 2008

Go to site navigation Go to article

10. Tony: "Don't worry, Kurt. I can fix it! My dad is a T.V. repairman, and he has an AWESOME set of tools."

9. Kurt to Mike Helton: "But sir, it's not important how many people I've crashed. What's important is how I drive with the ones still on the track."

8. Kurt to Tony: "If my little brother looked like you, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards!"

7. Mike Helton: "I've about had it with you two! You are now both on proba…"
John Darby (whispering to Mike): "But sir, they are already on probation."
Mike Helton: "Well from this moment on, they are on double SECRET probation!"

6. Tony to Kurt: "I know what you're thinking. Did he hit six times, or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is an '08 Camry — the most powerful stockcar in the world that would blow your doors clean off — you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?"

5. Mike Helton (handing Brian France a piece of paper): "Here's the report on the incident, sir. What can you make of it?"
Brian France (bouncing about the room): "I can make a hat! I can make a broach! I can make a pterodactyl…"
Mike Helton (rolls eyes): "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing Sunoco!"

4. Kurt to Mike: "Sir, when I'm out there on the track with Tony, it makes me afraid."
Mike: "Well son, it's what people know about themselves on the inside that makes them afraid!"

3. Tony to Mike (after seeing blood on the floor and Kurt has been led away): "You're not going to give me the same treatment?"
Mike: "Would you talk?"
Tony: "No…probably not."

2. Tony to Kurt: "You are in more dire need of a (un-intelligible) than any white man in history!"

1. Tony (as he lunges toward Kurt): "Say heylo to my leet-tle friend!"

Frontstretch faithful, don’t miss out — now is the time to sign up for your favorite fantasy games before it’s too late! Click here to become an Ultimate Frontstretch Fantasy Player for just $10, making yourself eligible to win our season-ending Grand Prize Pack! From the Game of Tomorrow to our new NASCAR Knockout Pool, we have all your fantasy needs right here on FS … so don’t wait another second!

Still not signed up for the Frontstretch Newsletter? Now’s your chance to be a part of a growing list of subscribers yearning for even more news, information, and commentary from Frontstretch you can’t find anywhere on the website. Click here to sign up today — getting all your Frontstretch info delivered straight to your email inbox!

The Frontstretch Newsletter, back in 2014 gives you more of the daily news, commentary, and racing features from your favorite writers you know and love. Don’t waste another minute – click here to sign up now. We’re here to make sure you stay informed … so make sure you jump on for the ride!

Today on the Frontstretch:
NASCAR Easter Eggs: A Few Off-Week Nuggets to Chew On
Five Points To Ponder: NASCAR’s Take-A-Breath Moment
Truckin’ Thursdays: Top Five All-Time Truck Series Drivers
Going By the Numbers: A Week Without Racing Can Bring Relief But Kill Momentum


©2000 - 2008 Jeff Meyer and Thanks for visiting the Frontstretch!

Kevin in SoCal
02/13/2008 11:31 AM

Hahahahaha! Good job, those are great!

02/13/2008 11:54 AM

I’m not sure about all your character depictions here —-but your brian is dead on !
he went to ucf not yale and there is a reason.say whats a degree in flash cards ???

02/13/2008 04:42 PM

Like it :)

02/14/2008 01:28 AM

Nice airplane reference!

02/15/2008 06:45 PM

Ditto, Dave, Brian France as the little prissy ATC is great!!!


Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

Voices From The Cheap Seats: The Tale Of Two Tires
BSNews! Bruton’s Plans Extend Beyond Bristol’s Track
Top Ten Reasons Fans Failed To Show Up At Bristol Sunday
BSNews! NASCAR CEO Given "Special" Award Amidst Lavish Fanfare
Fan Coun-ci-What? Just What Is It That NASCAR Wants To Study?

Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.