The Frontstretch: Top Ten Things That REALLY Were Said In the NASCAR Trailer After the Kurt and Tony Incident….Hollywood Style! by Jeff Meyer -- Tuesday February 12, 2008

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10. Tony: "Don't worry, Kurt. I can fix it! My dad is a T.V. repairman, and he has an AWESOME set of tools."

9. Kurt to Mike Helton: "But sir, it's not important how many people I've crashed. What's important is how I drive with the ones still on the track."

8. Kurt to Tony: "If my little brother looked like you, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards!"

7. Mike Helton: "I've about had it with you two! You are now both on proba…"
John Darby (whispering to Mike): "But sir, they are already on probation."
Mike Helton: "Well from this moment on, they are on double SECRET probation!"

6. Tony to Kurt: "I know what you're thinking. Did he hit six times, or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is an '08 Camry — the most powerful stockcar in the world that would blow your doors clean off — you’ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?"

5. Mike Helton (handing Brian France a piece of paper): "Here's the report on the incident, sir. What can you make of it?"
Brian France (bouncing about the room): "I can make a hat! I can make a broach! I can make a pterodactyl…"
Mike Helton (rolls eyes): "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing Sunoco!"

4. Kurt to Mike: "Sir, when I'm out there on the track with Tony, it makes me afraid."
Mike: "Well son, it's what people know about themselves on the inside that makes them afraid!"

3. Tony to Mike (after seeing blood on the floor and Kurt has been led away): "You're not going to give me the same treatment?"
Mike: "Would you talk?"
Tony: "No…probably not."

2. Tony to Kurt: "You are in more dire need of a (un-intelligible) than any white man in history!"

1. Tony (as he lunges toward Kurt): "Say heylo to my leet-tle friend!"

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Today on the Frontstretch:
NASCAR Easter Eggs: A Few Off-Week Nuggets to Chew On
Five Points To Ponder: NASCAR’s Take-A-Breath Moment
Truckin’ Thursdays: Top Five All-Time Truck Series Drivers
Going By the Numbers: A Week Without Racing Can Bring Relief But Kill Momentum
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©2000 - 2008 Jeff Meyer and Frontstetch.com. Thanks for visiting the Frontstretch!

Kevin in SoCal
02/13/2008 11:31 AM
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Hahahahaha! Good job, those are great!

marc
02/13/2008 11:54 AM
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I’m not sure about all your character depictions here —-but your brian is dead on !
he went to ucf not yale and there is a reason.say whats a degree in flash cards ???

denise
02/13/2008 04:42 PM
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Like it :)

Dave
02/14/2008 01:28 AM
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Nice airplane reference!

Marc
02/15/2008 06:45 PM
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Ditto, Dave, Brian France as the little prissy ATC is great!!!

 

Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

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