The Frontstretch: Voices From the Heartland: I promised my wife I'd Officially give up NASCAR for one day... by Jeff Meyer -- Wednesday November 9, 2005

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My wife Lora (Official Spouse of Jeff Meyer) is not particularly fond of racing. In fact, she seems to think I devote entirely too much time and effort to NASCAR. So, in order to prove her wrong, I promised her that I would give up anything NASCAR for one entire day. Last Saturday was that day.

I awoke Saturday with a splitting headache, as often happens after a Friday night of league bowling. Stumbling to the bathroom, I searched frantically for the Goody’s (Official Pain Reliever). Knowing it would be a long day of completing that ‘honey do’ list that had been accumulating, I figured a relaxing shower would start the day off right. After a good brushing with my trusty Oral B (Official Oral Care Products) and a generous layer of Old Spice (Official Antiperspirant & Deodorant), I emerged from the bathroom and headed for the kitchen.

After a quick breakfast of Kellogg’s (Official Cereals) and Minute Maid (Official Juice), I went back to the bedroom and donned my favorite pair of Levi Strauss Signature (Official Partner) pants and a plain white t-shirt. As I passed through the kitchen on my way to the garage, I grabbed a Dasani (Official Water) from the fridge.

The garage presented my first big decision of the day; which vehicle to drive? I decided on our new Dodge Charger (Official Passenger Car) which we had recently purchased with the help of a buddy of mine who works at CENTRIX (Official Auto Finance Partner). I hopped in and turned the key. Nothing! Totally dead! What the hell!? That’s a brand new EXIDE (Official Battery) in there! It shouldn’t be dead!

Not in the mood to mess with that now, I jumped into my Chevrolet Monte Carlo (Official Pace Car) and flipped on the XM Satellite Radio (Exclusive Satellite Radio Service) and hoped I wouldn’t hear one more single news story about Exxon/Mobil’s (Official Motor Oil/Lubricants) obscene quarterly profits. Thinking of oil companies made me look at the gas gauge and I realized I’d better head to the local APlus (Official Convenience Store) and grab some Sunoco (Official Fuel).

Once I was back on the road, I made a mental list of all the stops I had to make and the order in which I would do so. SunTrust (Official Bank) would be first on the list to make a deposit so I could send a payment to Home123 (Official Mortgage Company), Office Depot (Official Office Sponsor) for ink cartridges and The Home Depot (Official Home Improvement Warehouse) for some lumber.

As my mind was busy with my itinerary, I was jolted back to reality by the site of brake lights up ahead. I jammed on the brakes, confident the last pads I’d put on were made by Raybestos (Official Brakes). Gridlock! It looked like the ‘Big One’ up ahead!

Apparently, as I later learned from a trooper directing traffic, a Toyota (Official Partner/Manufacturer) blew a Goodyear (Official Tire Supplier) and got tangled up with an International (Official Industrial Tractor – Semi’s) pulling a Featherlite (Official Trailer). The resulting mess, I noticed as I finally passed by, had one trooper furiously snapping away with what looked like an Eastman Kodak (Official Film & Single Use Camera). “I hope he’s got a Duracell (Official Alkaline Battery) in that thing,” I remember thinking.

After finally making all my planned stops, the day was half shot and I was getting a bit hungry. I decided to zip into a Checkers (Official Burger/Drive Thru) for a quick burger and Coca-Cola (Official Soft Drink). On the way home, I called the wife on my Nextel (Official Sponsor/NNCS Entitlement Sponsor) phone to see if there was anything else she needed. After instructing me to pick her up a grape POWERADE (Official Sports Beverage) at the APLUS (Official Convenience Store), she told me the plan for dinner was Domino’s (Official Pizza Delivery).

Arriving back at the ol’ homestead, I found a package from UPS (Official Delivery Service) on the porch and the monthly Allstate (Official Insurance Company) bill in the mailbox. Judging by the weight, I suspected the package contained the Craftsman Tools (Official Tools/NCTS Entitlement Sponsor) my little brother had ‘borrowed’ and failed to return before he moved. About time!

Once inside, I sat down at my computer, popped a Budweiser (Official Beer) and fired up America Online (Official Partner) to book a room at a Best Western (Official Partner) as close to Daytona USA (Official Attraction) as possible in anticipation of next years’ vacation. Click, click, and click. Vacation paid for!

I popped another Budweiser (Official Beer) and reflected on my busy and expensive day smiling. I don’t worry about the expense. Unbeknownst to her, I had put everything on her Visa (Official Card)!

Pleasing your wife by keeping your promises is priceless!

Stay off the wall,

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©2000 - 2008 Jeff Meyer and Thanks for visiting the Frontstretch!

11/10/2005 02:04 PM

WHAT?! A whole day? “Give up OFFICIALLY?!”No NASCAR?

For one day – like the WHOLE day? No NASCAR?


I don’t think it can be done. No NASCAR for a whole day ? No way. Who could do THAT? I don’t think I could.

But wait! I think I get it! They might THINK you gave it up, but, in a covert kinda way you not only were able to support the many NA$CAR sponsors – securing the continued success of NA$CAR – and there-by, round-a-boutly, totally un-beknownst and un-detectidly, who would know? WHo’d know that stuff? I only know one person who would do that, out in Iowa, somewhere – small, really small town – ya know?.... you actually found a loophole in the system.


And on HER card, too?!

What’s not to like?

I am “officially” ROFLOL, and I can’t get up. (Wouldn’t want to if I could). Nothing better than laughter.

Ya reckon?

Thumbs UPX 2 = 4 thumbs UP

TruckerMom – other two thumbs – her’s, mine – two each – makes four—thumbs.That’s “official”!

You get four thumbs up for that one.

(**uhhh, ya think we could get those payment checks separate? Her’s an’ mine? Book keeping—makes it a tad easier, doncha know?

Appreciate it.**H. HORNET)


Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

Voices From The Cheap Seats: The Tale Of Two Tires
BSNews! Bruton’s Plans Extend Beyond Bristol’s Track
Top Ten Reasons Fans Failed To Show Up At Bristol Sunday
BSNews! NASCAR CEO Given "Special" Award Amidst Lavish Fanfare
Fan Coun-ci-What? Just What Is It That NASCAR Wants To Study?

Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.