The Frontstretch: Top Ten *REAL* Reasons Mistie Decided to 'Retire' From the Frontstretch by Jeff Meyer -- Tuesday January 31, 2006

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Editor’s Note: After several years of being the Top Ten aficionado, Mistie Bibbee has left the Frontstretch. She was such a big part of us, we couldn’t replace her with just one writer…so we found two. Join Jeff Meyer and Becca Gladden along for the Top Ten ride this season…and judging from Jeff’s first column, get ready to throw “politically correct” right out the window!

Author’s Note: Mistie Bibbee’s last official Top Ten list cited her reasons for retiring from the Frontstretch. In the rich tradition of Top-Ten lists and Frontstretch fun, the REAL reasons she "retired" are bolded.

10. It is rough being idolized by all the drivers on the circuit. It’s actually quite embarrassing when I go to races and they ask for my autograph.

10. Autograph, my butt! All the drivers already had her motel room key! And it wasn’t being "idolized" that she found so rough! There are OTHER websites for that sort of thing!

9. Something about Steve Park, Jeff Green, numerous insults and a restraining order"¦ It’s all actually quite a bit hazy.

9. Actually, as paparazzi photos have shown, it was something about Central Park, Jeff Gordon and fur-lined restraints! The REAL reason Jeff missed the Banquet.

8. Those darn holiday layoffs. The editors at the Frontstretch delivered mine with a fruitcake that I swear was made from debris found on the track during the season finale at Homestead.

8. Frontstretch editors learned Mistie had discovered the secret family recipe of Frontstretch fruitcakes and was planning to sell it to Jay Busch’s dog, Duke.

7. I accidentally accepted an invitation to the Real World, and now I’m not allowed back into fantasy land.

7. It was actually an invitation to the Jerry Springer Show that she accepted, on which she made outlandish accusations about Frontstretch webmaster, Ren Jonsin and myself, none of which were EVER proven!

6. After being banned from 95% of the NASCAR tracks, I’ve decided to see how many IRL tracks I can get banned from.

6. In reality, it was 95% of all MOTELS NEAR NASCAR tracks that she was banned from! She left our offices mumbling something like ""¦those IRL guys will forget all about Danica when I get done with "˜em!"

5. After the editors finally quit laughing over the fact I picked Robby Gordon and Johnny Sauter to go 1 and 2 in the championship, they decided I should submit to random drug testing. (It was cool though, I got to hang with Shane Hmiel for a while!)

5. When Frontstretch editors found out it was Mistie’s number under the heading "dime bag" in Shane’s cell phone, well"¦ that was really the last straw!

4. Well, all the cool kids like Rusty Wallace, Mark Martin (kinda), and Ricky Rudd were retiring, so I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon!

4. When Mistie started referring to Rusty Wallace, Mark Martin and Ricky Rudd as "˜kids’, editors decided it was time to put the ol’ lady to rest.

3. Been there"¦ done that"¦ and my employers stiffed me on the T-Shirt.

3. Mistie insisted on wearing her T-Shirt for the next "Nascar Girls Gone Wild!" video. Even though she had valid points that it would be good publicity for the few seconds the Frontstretch logo was actually seen, the editors would have none of it, mainly due to the "˜Frontstretchmarks’ jokes that would inevitably follow!

2. Why write for The Frontstretch when I can drop everything, follow the circuit around for every race and become a world class pit lizard!

2. Mistie was spending all her waking hours petitioning Brian France to install back seats in the upcoming Car of Tomorrow. That explains the many cases of "Writer’s Block" in recent months!

1. After much debate and number crunching, I’ve come to realize that working at McDonald’s is a much more lucrative profession.

1. Mistie happened to turn in an application (as a joke) while she and Shane were satisfying an insatiable urge for a cheeseburger, fries, and a shake, and they ACTUALLY called her back!

Take Care, and good luck, Mistie! We’ll miss you!

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Championship Caliber? What Does That Even Mean?
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Happiness Is…Arrogance, Less, Next, and the Outdoors
Frontstretch Foto Funnies: It’s Not Gonna Fit…


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Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

Voices From The Cheap Seats: The Tale Of Two Tires
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Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.