The Frontstretch: Top Ten Things Auto Club Speedway Could Do To Fill the Stands by Jeff Meyer -- Wednesday September 3, 2008

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Top Ten Things Auto Club Speedway Could Do To Fill the Stands

Jeff Meyer · Wednesday September 3, 2008

 

In the spirit of diversity, and seeing as how some things never change, especially when dealing with a NASCAR race in Fontana, today’s Top Ten may look a bit different, but yet slightly familiar. Familiar in the sense that it is a slightly modified version of the one that was published last year about this time! Translation was provided by Babelfish.com, so don’t yell at me if it’s not quite right. In the spirit of “Press 1 for English”… simply scroll down!

El carretera del club auto de las cosas del Top Ten podía hacer para llenar los soportes

10. Quite cerca de 30.000 asientos.

9. Ofrezca la experiencia de conducción del O.J. Simpson, completa con un par libre de guantes de conducción. (No pueden caber, a propósito…)

8. Plante la lechuga y otras formas de producto en el área de la pista de aterrizaje y grabe un uso para las máquinas segadores en cada asiento. (Usos impresos solamente en español.)

7. Substituya todas las concesiones poseídas ISC y el restaurante del duende malicioso de Wolfgang por en el & Hacia fuera soportes de la hamburguesa.

6. Haga todos los boletos disponibles solamente a los ventiladores del área de Darlington con la promesa que Brian Francia saludará personalmente a cada ventilador como entran en el carretera.

5. Mueva la raza de nuevo a Darlington, pero retitúlela “carretera de California” para el fin de semana, demuestre a em del `cuáles es una venta hacia fuera.

4. Ofrezca una experiencia libre del día de la raza a todo el uno mismo-inflated’ del `del `over-rated’, de up’, y estrellas lavadas `del childhood del `, los agentes y los actores.

3. Ofrezca la ciudadanía libre y todo a la derecha pertenecer además con cada boleto.

2. Programe un juego del pre-season del NFL para ser jugado en el área de la pista de aterrizaje durante la raza de la taza.

1. Nombre Baraack Obama como presidente de la pista. Clase de una prueba, usted ve. Si él puede cambiar ESE lugar, apenas lo califican bien quizá para cosas más grandes y mejores.

(For those of you who haven’t rushed out and bought your ‘Rosetta Stone’ software yet…)

Top Ten Things Auto Club Speedway Could Do To Fill the Stands

10. Remove about 30,000 seats.

9. Offer the O. J. Simpson Police Chase Driving Experience, complete with a free pair of driving gloves. (They fail to fit, by the way…)

8. Plant lettuce and other forms of produce in the infield and tape an application for harvesters on every seat. (Applications printed only in Spanish.)

Illegal immigrants…they fill California’s fields, why not California (correction, Auto Club) Speedway?

7. Replace all ISC owned concessions and Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant with In & Out Burger stands.

6. Make all tickets available to only Darlington area fans with the promise that Brian France will personally greet each fan as they enter the speedway.

5. Move the race back to Darlington, but re-name it “California Speedway” for the weekend, show ‘em what a sell out is.

4. Offer a free race day experience to all ‘washed up’, ‘over-rated’, ‘self-inflated’ and ‘childhood’ stars, actors and entertainers.

3. Offer free citizenship and all rights pertaining thereto with each ticket.

2. Schedule a NFL pre-season game to be played in the infield during the Cup race.

1. Name Barack Obama as President of the track. Sort of a test, you see. If he can turn THAT place around, well just maybe he IS qualified for bigger and better things.

Contact Jeff Meyer

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TopDawg
09/03/2008 12:36 PM
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Want to fill the stands in California … Simple,
Add TURBO Steroes to all the cars, neons underneath, Jumping Kits, and put Dub Spinners on all the cars.
Lower the drivers seat, put Dice on the mirror and let the cars do drifting through the corners …. The Place will be Packed !!!

srjrfan
09/04/2008 01:02 AM
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LMAO!!!! That was the best top 10 ever!!!!!!

Kevin in SoCal
09/04/2008 12:42 PM
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Ooooh, how did I miss number five on here? As I said in the Mirror Driving comments, please explain how 66,000 seats sold at Darlington is a sell-out and that’s fine, but 70,000 seats sold at ACS is bad, because its not a sell-out? Last time I was in school, 70,000 is greater than 66,000.

 

Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

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Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.