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Jeff Meyer · Tuesday February 3, 2009
10. Jimmie Johnson wins the now totally worthless Bud Shootout, is crowned 2009 Cup Champion after the race, and Brian France cancels the rest of the meaningless season in his ultimate plan to cut costs for the rest of the teams.
9. The rest of the world finally realizes that I am right and recognizes NASCAR for what it has become — IROC, with a lot of non-champions.
8. Mark Martin kicks Jimmie Johnson’s ass! On the track and off!
7. Bill Weber develops season long lock-jaw.
6. Tony Stewart crashes out early in the Bud Shootout… just because NASCAR went to such great lengths to get him in.
5. Michael Waltrip hires Chad Knaus away from Hendrick to be his crew chief.
4. Mauricia Grant teams up with Bruton Smith, and they make the Frances an offer they can’t refuse.
3. The new ideas NASCAR is going to come up with to hide empty seats.
2. Kyle Busch follows in his big brother’s footsteps into a life of mediocrity.
1. Barack Obama picks Brian France to be his Secretary of Screwing Up Anything Good, thus saving NASCAR and realizing Brian’s true calling all at the same time.
©2000 - 2008 Jeff Meyer and Frontstetch.com. Thanks for visiting the Frontstretch!
It’s a shame the list is limited to the Top Ten things Jeff would like to see this season. Perhaps the best battle this season will be which Frontstretch wordsmith can lay claim to #9.
A great piece of writing! And the list could go on and on!
Gee, wonder what would happen if Brain ever made a decision while he was sober?
Daytona has allready figured out a better way to fool the tv cameras . They realized that we all caught on to their painting the seats in contrasting colors to give the illusion of fans sitting in them .
But now Daytona has come up with an even better idea . They have taken out large sections of bleachers on the frontstretch and replaced them with bleachers featuring much wider seats . And according to Robin Braig , it was all done for the comfort of the fans . In fact it was done to allow Daytona to fit far fewer fans into the same amount of space . In years past , the seats kept getting narrower to squeeze more seats in . Now , they’ve had to resort to the opposite .
RE: The illusion of filled seats!
While following the economic downturn of this country (but remember that most race tracks get enormous tax credits) I see the porn industry is also hurting. So, being the connector-of-the-dots, such as I am, then it stands to reason that the “blow-up” doll industry must also be down! (has the light gone on yet?)
I’ll bet that ISC could make a great deal on say 20,000 blow-up dolls, put a NA$CRAP T’ shirt on them, and place them strategically in the stands!
And they could be “used”, (pardon my pun), race after race. Shipped from track to track (after a bath anyway)!
And, going one step further, when the racing gets really, really, boring (such as on lap #2), the fans would have some diversion!
Gee, ain’t I a great thinker? And NA$CRAP would be spending some if it’s money to help our economy, rather than sending their profits (as in yours & mine money) to a tax free country!
Hey Michael, ever pay over $100 for barely 18 inches of bleacher? I say, “Widen them seats out!” Sure the main reason is to make it look like the seats are fuller but who care? The fans will definitely benefit from the change.
Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:
Voices From The Cheap Seats: The Tale Of Two Tires
BSNews! Bruton’s Plans Extend Beyond Bristol’s Track
Top Ten Reasons Fans Failed To Show Up At Bristol Sunday
BSNews! NASCAR CEO Given "Special" Award Amidst Lavish Fanfare
Fan Coun-ci-What? Just What Is It That NASCAR Wants To Study?
Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.