The Frontstretch: Top Ten Excuses Jeremy Mayfield Gave For Failing The Drug Test by Jeff Meyer -- Wednesday May 13, 2009

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10. “I had dinner at Brian France’s place the other night. I thought the oregano in the spaghetti sauce smelled funny!”

The drug-related suspensions that have plagued Mayfield Motorsports have made pushing a 3,400lb stock car all the more difficult for the few who remain.

9. “I gave Shane Hmiel a ride home the other night and you know the old saying… grass, gas, or ass, nobody rides for free! Well, he was broke and I wasn’t about to… well, you know!”

8. “They must have mixed my pee up with one of my crew guys.”

7. “I suck at tests.”

6. “They were serious about that?”

5. “All I did was have a poppy seed bagel!”

4. “Damn that Carl Edwards!”

3. “My wife slipped me something in her scheme to take over my team.”

2. “Rest assured, I will be filing a complaint with the BBB against that web site that sold me that urine. It was guaranteed “clean.” I want my money back!”

1. “I didn’t study.”

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Today on the Frontstretch:
Championship Caliber? What Does That Even Mean?
Mirror Driving: Winning Vs. Points, Needing a Boost, and The Lady’s Last Dance?
Nuts for Nationwide: The Curious Case of Elliott Sadler
Happiness Is…Arrogance, Less, Next, and the Outdoors
Frontstretch Foto Funnies: It’s Not Gonna Fit…


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05/13/2009 08:34 AM

What a piece of hooey! Drug use isn’t something to make fun of. I think the Frontstretch and Meyer have gone into the gutter by printing this one. Remember the Grubb tragedy from last week. Are you going to do a top ten list about his reasons for suicide?

05/13/2009 10:12 AM

Always love your stuff, Jeff, and I think I have a great sense of humor, but I don’t think we’re ready for this one yet.

MJR in Springfield VA
05/13/2009 12:16 PM

I tend to agree with Nora and Ed; this is truly in bad taste Jeff. Should this turn around to Jeremy’s favor (and I sure hope it does) you might be having to write a Top Ten List of apologies.

05/13/2009 12:27 PM

YOur sense of humor is only surpassed by your lack of class. I have said before, you need to leave the funny stuff to Foxworthy and Ron White. You just ain’t got it.

05/13/2009 12:33 PM

I’m not getting the point of what the rest of you are saying. I thought it was funny. Are we supposed to feel sorry for Jeremy Mayfield? How is this connected to Kevin Grubb, other than both drivers having been suspended for failing a drug test?

05/13/2009 12:47 PM

I thought it was funny…

05/13/2009 01:26 PM

This is someones life you are talking about …you don’t even know the facts of everything..very tasteless …and for the people who asumme he’s guilty before knowing the facts you are a bunch of morons ..would you think it was funny if it were you that lost your lively hood for testing positive for something as simple as claritin d if that in fact is what happened

05/13/2009 01:48 PM

Ray, did you care this much about it when several crew members were suspended and lost their jobs?

Racing is a dangerous sport. I’m not insisting Mayfield is guilty, but if someone is in a racecar while on some methamphetamine, I think someone making jokes should be the least of your worries.

Chris Topher
05/13/2009 02:26 PM

He, he… I thought it was funny… I mean, everyone needs to “pull the twig out” and quit being so serious… Ricky Williams in the NFL, EVERYBODY in the MLB, and now Jeremy Mayfield in NASCAR. This was not a dig @ HIM PERSONALLY people! Just a little ha, ha in light of the incident. If someone’s got a Coke or Mary Jane problem, get em the hell outta the sport, but if it was purely accidental, or even something like Claritin or Tylenol, then it will all be worked out in the end. But until NASCAR puts on their big boy pants & starts letting the fans (and media) in their little trusted circle of info, it’s all gonna be speculation, so lets at least have a giggle or two about it… Funny stuff Jeff!

05/13/2009 02:26 PM

Jeremy is way too busy to worry about if what Jeff Meyers writes is funny or politically correct. But he will need every ounce of his sense of humor to get him through this episode.
The hundreds of articles with mis-information, half truths and assumptions will do much more harm than a humor piece. You all need to get real.

Carl in PA
05/13/2009 02:29 PM

Wow, you guys really have to learn to lighten up. This isn’t meant to be a news report.

At least I don’t think it is. Is it Mr Meyer? Because if it is then, yeah, I think you’ve breached the boundries of professionalism. But if it’s humor, then at worst, you’ve just missed on a few. Nine was great though. Shane Hmeil deserves whatever is thrown at him.

05/13/2009 03:12 PM

The only thing JM is getting out of this mess is publicity…He’s had more attentiion than his whole career in racing..He has never been given a break on anything, why would we expect now….SAD

J. Meyer
05/13/2009 04:24 PM

To Carl in PA,

No, this is NOT a news item, just your standard run of the mill Top Ten list that we’ve done for years here on FS.

Guess I better start doing PC lists and jokes, eh?

Knock, knock:
Who’s there?
Orange who?
Orange you longing for the days when people had a sense of humor or common sense!?

Maybe next week I can do a top ten of drivers favorite colors. But then again, I spose if the color white was in there, I’d be a racist nazi or something!

05/13/2009 04:45 PM

Don’t let the uptight people with no sense of humor get to ya Jeff. It was great! I like it!

05/13/2009 04:55 PM

The list wasn’t too bad, but I see that there was a “Mike influence” with #4! Give it a rest!

05/13/2009 07:17 PM

Funny you pick on Shane Hmiel when he truly has turned his life around.

But the rest of the list had me laughing out loud.

05/13/2009 10:19 PM

First, I am no fan of Jeremy Mayfield, but you know the state of NASCAR, and the arrogance of Brian France and company. Even if they make a mistake, they will never admit it. Ol’ Jeremy may be as guilty as sin, but until we know the facts, we should not hold judgement day. As for Jeff, this is just another unfunny piece. He should be used to the digs back by now. I have had good friends who fell prey to their own devices and lost everything they had to drugs. There is a family involved here and this is not a pretty or a funny picture. Now if somebody had a picture of him, like they did that ol’ swimming guy at the Olympics, I would laugh

05/14/2009 09:19 PM

This is very tasteless-lets hope no one in the circuit is diagnosed with a fatal disease, you’ll be working overtime with your stand up comedic act. NASCAR is changing their policies and story each day, Jeremy’s story has stayed the same, who is guilty? If you have a pulse, I think you could figure this out.


Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

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