The Frontstretch: Looking Back at How Fun NASCAR Was Not That Long Ago: Part 1 by Jeff Meyer -- Thursday September 3, 2009

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Looking Back at How Fun NASCAR Was Not That Long Ago: Part 1

Voices From the Heartland · Jeff Meyer · Thursday September 3, 2009

 

Remember when NASCAR used to be fun? After doing this here writing gig for Frontstretch.com almost six years, I sometimes lose sight of the fact on just how much fun it was, say, five years ago. Nowadays, it seems like we are all just bitchin’ about this and/or that and it really gets mundane after awhile.

With that in mind, I recently went back to some old columns I wrote back in 2004, just to remember what this column originally started out to be. What follows are some excerpts from my older work, along with some commentary about how things have or have not changed since then, both on a personal level for me and in the racing world. One thing I found especially amusing are some of the changes, personality-wise, of a couple of drivers since then. So sit back, print this out, and keep it near the toilet for reading at your leisure. If nothing else, you can use it should you discover your teenager did not replace the empty roll!

Let’s start at the beginning. Voices From the Heartland was brought to Frontstretch.com on March 11th, 2004 with the following fan fare:

A brief history: I am stuck in Iowa. Have been for the last 12 years. A good thing if you want to grow corn. Not so good if you are a NASCARnatic. However, I, and other NASCARnians (I’m making these up as I go along…) here in our very small town, have found a great way to cope with our geographic isolation. We secretly gather (after church, of course) at our local tavern, which, by a totally unrelated quirk of geographic isolation, is called The Finish Line, to watch NASCAR on RBTV (Really Big T V) and consume cold beverages. As one may suspect, we have Gordon fans, Jarrett fans, Junior fans, Kenseth fans, a Busch fan, Labonte fans, Stewart fans, and ceiling fans. (It was once rumored that there was a Bodine fan in town, but that was never proven. We do have the number for Ripley’s if he/she is ever sited, though.) Of course, along with all these fans comes a lot of vociferous, if not slurred, opinions and pontifications. During one particularly successful gathering, I found myself leaning against the men’s room wall, wondering two things; 1. How can we share our opinions and feelings with the rest of the racing world?… and 2. Why is my leg getting warm? Turns out, I was standing next to the heat vent.

The very next afternoon, and four aspirins later, I searched the web until I found a racing site claiming to be in need of writers. The owner/editor agreed to my terrific idea of me writing a weekly post-race opinion piece and, after a hastily negotiated contract consisting of “do it for free” was settled, Voices From The Heartland was born.

Sadly, just before the 2003 Sonoma race, the website was inexplicably abandoned by its owner/editor and I have yet to hear from him. I am of the mind that if he ran screaming into the night, it was because of an all-night buffet at the local IHOP, and not my writing that caused it. Whatever the case, the voices had been silenced…until now!

Since that time, a few things have changed here in small town Iowa. Unfortunately, as I reported a few years ago, the dimly lit, smoke-filled Finish Line Bar & Grill is no longer with us. Falling victim to a combination of Jose Cuervo and questionable management, gone are the comfortably plain bar stools and the smelly bathrooms, along with the insightful writings and words of wisdom upon their walls. The secret gatherings no longer take place. Oh, the building is still there, but it is now a totally refurbished, brightly lit sandwich, pizza, and malt shop kinda place called the Bobcat Den that caters to a mostly younger crowd. Why, even the bathrooms are nicely painted, smell good, and are always stocked with toilet paper! Hardly a respectable place to claim as the birthplace of a column such as this.

In April of ’04, I penned a column and dared NASCAR to “Tell Me Why.” All I had was a few questions! As I look back at it now, I see a few of them are still unanswered and must be totally out of NASCAR’s mentality to even think about.

Why can’t NASCAR simply put, say, three or four guys up in a booth filled with monitors and let them be the official judges during a race? With today’s technology, you get replays in an instant (hence the name “instant replay,” I’ll bet) and from every possible angle. All other sports have designated officials for their events… why not NASCAR? It’s not that hard, boys! I sit on my barstool every week and make the correct call after the first replay. If you guys in Daytona need some help, give me a call. I gotta be cheaper than Helton.

So many things have changed since 2004, but Jeff Meyer’s opinion on can throwing fans has remained the same.

Why do they “red flag” a race with six laps to go, and then, when they get back on the track, run four more caution laps for a two lap shootout? What were they doing during the red? Shouldn’t the track be sufficiently clear before the red is lifted? Maybe the blower crews were doing paperwork in the men’s room when the red fell. There should have been TWO caution laps after the red at most.

And probably most importantly, this one…

Does anyone else think Kurt Busch looks just like Alfred E. Newman? If only Jimmy had knocked out that front tooth completely…

Well folks, here we are, five years later…we have the glorious Chase, SAFER barriers, double-file restarts (as we should) and the wondrous Car of Tomorrow (which is now today), but yet we still don’t have independent officiating of the races. Apparently, no one can be trusted to do it right like the suits in the ivory tower.

As for the red flags, it still amazes me the number of caution laps run after they red flag a race for a wreck and subsequent debris. Did ya notice last weekend how long it took just to sweep gravel off the track in one turn in Montreal? I still say, if you’re gonna stop the race get ALL the work done and run ONE caution lap! But that is only for debris; rain is another thing entirely.

And for awhile there, after Jimmy Spencer punched him, before he got his ears pinned back, and before his even goofier looking little brother came along, Kurt Busch really did remind me of Alfred E. Newman! I don’t care what anybody says!

Now, you may think that with the economy the way it is now, this is the toughest time in the history of the sport for teams to find sponsors — but that is not necessarily the case. Back in ’04, there were many teams that had sponsor problems way back then! I offered my advice, but sadly, no one seemed to listen…

Taxpayers are already footing the bill for a squad of military sponsorships, why not one for PBS? (Public Broadcasting Service). I’d love to see a car sponsored by The Red Green Show, one of PBS’s most popular shows. Just imagine, the car would be half red (the green part, of course) and half green. They wouldn’t have to spend the big dollars for the fancy colored duct tape when repairing a fender… just slap on the normal gray color. In fact, I would put liberal amounts of it on before the car was wrecked! Anyone who has ever watched the show would know it would look more natural that way. To further keep costs down, team communications could be handled by a couple of “borrowed” Nextel cell phones with the walkie-talkie feature. That should get things done.

What about U-Haul? With all the money saved by not having to buy a fancy transporter, they could focus on buying some primo engines.

Personally, I would love to be the driver of the Craftsman Tools race car. No matter how badly I broke it, they would replace or fix it free, guaranteed, no questions asked. Come to think of it, that would be a perfect ride for a Bodine.

Why can’t one of these desperate race teams pull some strings and secure a Tampax sponsorship?

Now I don’t care who you are, those were, and still are, some primo ideas right there! Meanwhile, that Todd Bodine has found a steady home in the Truck Series, which means we can save that Craftsman sponsorship for Steven Wallace.

Now remember when Jeff Burton drove a totally white, No. 99 Ford Taurus for Roush Racing at Texas Motor Speedway in ’04? At first glance, you might have thought it was sponsorless, but as one Roush employee told me later…

“As for the Texas car, it was sponsored by Wite Out correction fluid. I guess the scheme was so modern and forward-thinking, nobody realized it.”

In today’s economy, a Wite Out sponsorship makes even more sense. No need to repaint the cars — simply brush large white lines over the previous sponsors name! People would get the point.

NASCAR has loosened up a bit, though, in recent years by allowing liquor companies to sponsor cars. Perhaps I helped them see the light when I questioned their policies…

NASCAR’s ban on certain advertisers makes no sense. It’s OK to have cars sponsored by products to make my penis larger, but NOT OK see the No. 07 Jack Daniel’s car. (Too much of which has the opposite effect…)

Now, I’m not gonna sit here and take credit for the No. 07 Jack Daniel’s car that we see racing today, even though I did call it back in ’04. Any idiot would know that you simply cannot run a Jack Daniel’s paint scheme on a race car with, say, the number 36 on it! You have to have the number 07, or what’s the point! Bottoms up!

And while there is no more Viagra car poking its way through the ranks anymore, Joe Nemechek is trying to fill a void in the Nationwide series with his ExtenZe car. Rest assured, men, some teams are still looking out for your best interest! I suppose, now that Viagra spent all those advertising dollars to help you rise to the occasion, ExtenZe is the next logical step. I mean, if you’re gonna go…might as well go big!

In closing, towards the end of April in ’04 I published my first retraction of sorts after I took huge amounts of flak for giving a “thumbs up” to all those fans who voiced their displeasure with NASCAR by pelting the track with beer cans at Talladega…

In my commentary on Wednesday, I gave “two thumbs up” to ALL the fans at Talladega. Well, now that I think of it, “two thumbs down” to anyone who misjudged their abilities and didn’t make it over the fence. Please remember that when throwing debris, a man has got to know his limitations. You don’t want to hit a fellow fan just because you have a weak arm.

And finally…

NASCAR Vice President Jim Hunter said those that threw stuff on the track were “in a small minority.”

Gee, guess those few guys were REALLY thirsty…and could run pretty fast.
Let’s see, whom haven’t I alienated yet…

Stay off the wall (but make it over the fence),

Jeff Meyer

Writer’s Note: Tune in tomorrow as we continue to remember when NASCAR was fun!

Contact Jeff Meyer

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Todd Crane
09/03/2009 04:36 AM
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fun in 2004? Try fun since I started in 1965 Now that was fun! You should read Greg Fielden’s 40 Years of Stock Car Racing to find out what fun really was!

Mike in Floyd Va
09/03/2009 07:40 AM
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Fun was Joe Weatherly putting a rubber snake in Tiny Lund’s car and watching Tiny run down pit road when he saw the “snake”. Fun was Tiny stealing everybody’s ignition key so that only his car started when the command to start engines was given. Fun was Tiny handcuffing Tom Pistone to a fence just before driver introductions. Fun was Tiny Lund picking up Tom Pistone and Rex White and holding them up like a couple of school kids. Fun was Tom Pistone keeping a scuba tank in his car at Daytona in case he went into Lake Lloyd. Fun was Dan Gurney, AJ Foyt, and Mario Andretti racing an occasional stock car race and winning. Now that was fun.

Douglas
09/03/2009 07:45 AM
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You can’t be writing all this funny stuff so early in the morning, kinda early to be rolling on the floor in laughter!

And your lead sentence:
“Remember when NASCAR used to be fun?”

I SURE DO! AND THAT’S ALL I WANT ONCE AGAIN!

Thanks for a great read!

Al Torney
09/03/2009 01:05 PM
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Fun was going to a short track GN race and going in the pits after the race and talking to the drivers. Can’t do that today, like Elvis, they have left the building

mkrcr
09/03/2009 08:55 PM
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Fun was anytime before Brian France!

Marc
09/03/2009 08:58 PM
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The problem is now, its all too mechanical and stiff, too many rules, too many don’t do thats.

It was fun to watch a Wood Brothers pit stop, or a Smokey Eunick engine, or Marty Robbins run an illegal carb, etc.

If that was done today, the fines for the Wood Brothers jacks alone would be enormous. Think about it. Everything just the same is not fun.

randy
09/06/2009 06:40 PM
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Is Nemechek getting his wife to drive the Women Extenze car? lol

 

Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

Voices From The Cheap Seats: The Tale Of Two Tires
BSNews! Bruton’s Plans Extend Beyond Bristol’s Track
Top Ten Reasons Fans Failed To Show Up At Bristol Sunday
BSNews! NASCAR CEO Given "Special" Award Amidst Lavish Fanfare
Fan Coun-ci-What? Just What Is It That NASCAR Wants To Study?

Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.