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We are all familiar with Jeff Foxworthy’s trademark redneck jokes. In fact, you probably are one if you are reading this right now. Now, I’m not about to assert that I, even though we share the same first name, am anywhere close to Foxworthy’s status, but like him, I too have made a few observations over the years that I’ve been following NASCAR. Some are more obvious than others; however, even when I’m nowhere near a race track, it is still pretty easy to spot even the casual fan.
So, without further adieu, I say, “You may be a NASCAR fan if…”
If you get pulled over and could tell the officer exactly how fast you were going, even if you speedometer doesn’t work but your tach does… If you met your significant other at the track or some other racing-related event… If you have to go to a formal event and realize that all your clothes have a “number” on them somewhere… You might be a NASCAR fan.
If you go to a restaurant, and really, really like entrée number 18, but order something different because you don’t like Kyle Busch… If you gain weight or lose weight just to keep your waist size the same as a certain car number (wish my guy was No. 34 instead of No. 99!)… If your kids or other family members are always giving you gifts related to racing, and you display them all (the gifts) even though they don’t relate to your favorite driver… If your young children know, DON’T PLAY WITH DAD’S RACE CARS!… If you butt in to a stranger’s conversation to correct them as to the next race on the schedule, without even consulting the little schedule in your wallet… You may be a NASCAR fan.
Obviously, if your significant other is a fan, too, that is swell; however, many times, that is not the case. So if your spouse still loves you even though you run off with your buddies for a week in an RV loaded with beer… you may be a VERY LUCKY NASCAR fan! If you still love him/her even though your spouse continually refers to “those damn cars turning left”… If you buy your non-fan spouse expensive gifts the week before you run off with your buddies for a week… If you’ve ever threatened one of your buddies that “those pictures better NEVER get out!”… You might be a NASCAR fan!
In the bedroom, if you know your spouse’s “mood” by the color of flag displayed on his/her nightstand… Like the classic commercial suggested, if you have a set of flags outside the bathroom… If you think of racing instead of bug killer when someone mentions “black flag“… If you know what either a black flag with a white “X” in it or a blue flag with an orange diagonal stripe means… If when you see a white flag, instead of thinking you are surrendering, you think you are about to win… You may be a NASCAR fan.
Let’s face it, for most of us, the closest we get to being on the track is our daily commute. So when you are out there everyday, consider the following… If you refer to the person in the passenger seat as your “spotter” and expect them to perform as such… If that person is your spouse, and you actually TRUST their judgment… If you “draft” instead of “tailgate“… If you don’t mind someone else “drafting” you… If you actually “drive further ahead” of your car than the front of the hood…If you or your “spotter” refer to stuff in the road as “debris“… If, when you can, you use both lanes going through a curve on a two-lane highway… You may be a NASCAR fan!
I could go on and on like some races do nowadays, but I won’t. What I want is for you, the loyal Frontstretch.com reader, to add a few of your own below. However, before you do, I leave you with one more…
If you endeavor to…Stay off the wall (but still have the urge to put others into it, even though you resist…You may be a NASCAR fan!)
©2000 - 2008 Jeff Meyer and Frontstetch.com. Thanks for visiting the Frontstretch!
You may be NA$CRAP if you repeatedly tell the arrresting officer “BUT WE OWN THIS TOWN”!
You maybe a NA$CRAP if you tell the arresting officer “PLEASE DRIVE ME HOME”!
You may be NA$CRAP if you don’t even “ATTEND YOUR OWN RACES”!
You maybe NA$CRAP if you give press conferences “DEAD DRUNK”! (OR RED FACED WITH A NICE HANGOVER ANYWAY)
You may be NA$CRAP if you have “OVER 100 INTERPRETATIONS OF THE SAME RULE” from the rule book, (which people still insist exists)
You may be NA$CRAP if you “RECOGNIZE & CAN DESCRIBE DEBRIS”!
When the coffee table in your living room is made out of a racing Eagle…
When you bought the tire, a fellow fan told your husband that his wife would make him throw it out…until we told him THE WIFE made him buy it in the first place.
Hey S.D Grady, I had a table made out of an “EAGLE”, but it EXPLODED! Sure made a mess of the living room for sure!
If you have ever worn a Kyle Busch hat with a floral-print sundress.
If you swore you’d never put bumper stickers on your car but make an exception for the little #3, #8, #24, #18, #20, #14, #29, etc. stickers running up and down the rear window…
My daughter made the high school softball team this year and was given the number 18 jersey. Nobody could understand my feelings when I offered to buy her another jersey so we could get another number. I thought that was a bad omen until they went undefeated in district play!
If you’re willing to spend 3 days in rain and mud in the hope that NASCAR finally gets the race in on Monday, you might be a NASCAR fan.
If you’re willing to go to a race at Fontana, just to see your favorite drivers, you might be a NASCAR fan. (or just incredibly strange)
If you tell your best friend you dont want to see him any more because he roots for a driver you hate, you might be a NASCAR fan.
Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:
Voices From The Cheap Seats: The Tale Of Two Tires
BSNews! Bruton’s Plans Extend Beyond Bristol’s Track
Top Ten Reasons Fans Failed To Show Up At Bristol Sunday
BSNews! NASCAR CEO Given "Special" Award Amidst Lavish Fanfare
Fan Coun-ci-What? Just What Is It That NASCAR Wants To Study?
Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.