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Jeff Meyer · Wednesday November 18, 2009
Author’s note: This list is a revision of one I wrote about a year ago! Sad how apropos it is today as when I wrote it last year.
Author’s second note!: Yeah, I’m going to keep using this top ten, or a variant, every year until someone else wins!
10. Other drivers hire Tonya Harding to give Jimmie a good “knee whacking.” (But this year, they whack both knees and an elbow, too!)
9. Chad Knaus decides he is tired of “babysitting” Jimmie and lets him “keep on welding” … or pipefitting, or whatever else Jimmie is up to.
8. Two words: Goodyear tires. Have to say, though, they are marginally better than last year… but you still never know.
7. While it sounded like a good idea at the time, Hendrick Motorsports finds out the hard way why Kobalt Tools are not the Official Tools of NASCAR. Luckily, they’ve got three extra crew sets of them to help if Jimmie crashes early.
6. Oh yeah, Kyle Busch… yeah, right! Like that was ever gonna happen! (This year, the poor guy didn’t even make the playoffs! C’mon Kyle, save us from a five-peat!)
5. NASCAR implements new, stricter drug testing policy … and all Hendrick cars are found to be on steroids. Supplied by J.C. France.
4. Jimmie accepts the use of Michael Waltrip’s private jet and finds himself at the wrong track. Michael can’t believe he fell for it two years in a row.
3. Hendrick Motorsports abruptly merges with RPM and an unnamed Saudi royal.
2. Jimmie is suspended for the remainder of the season after excessive amounts of vanilla are found in his system.
1. In a sudden reversal of fortune, due in part to an accountant forgetting to carry a one, the U.S. Government actually takes over GM, and Jimmie must use a new “Government Motors, Obama Approved” engine for the final race.
Editor’s Note: If you haven’t seen it yet, check out this week’s Frontstretch Foto Funnies – Phoenix Edition, as Kurt Smith tells the story behind the pictures of your favorite drivers this weekend! It won’t take long, and hopefully you can have a good laugh — especially if Sunday’s race put you to sleep!
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11 Mark Martin.
#12-Acute diaper rash preventing him from sitting in the driver’s seat. Chad’s been busy.
Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:
Voices From The Cheap Seats: The Tale Of Two Tires
BSNews! Bruton’s Plans Extend Beyond Bristol’s Track
Top Ten Reasons Fans Failed To Show Up At Bristol Sunday
BSNews! NASCAR CEO Given "Special" Award Amidst Lavish Fanfare
Fan Coun-ci-What? Just What Is It That NASCAR Wants To Study?
Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.