The Frontstretch: BSNews! Biffle's Girlfriend Gets ‘NASCAR Boot' And More... by Jeff Meyer -- Wednesday April 12, 2006

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BSNews! Biffle's Girlfriend Gets ‘NASCAR Boot' And More...

Voices From the Heartland · Jeff Meyer · Wednesday April 12, 2006

 

BSNewswire (Daytona): In light of last weekend’s confrontation between Greg Biffle’s girlfriend, Nicole Lunders, and Eva Bryan, the fiancée of Kurt Busch, NASCAR officials have announced the severest penalty ever given to a "˜civilian.’

Lunders must wear what is known as the "˜NASCAR Boot,’ should she decide to attend any sanctioned NASCAR event through April 30th. The device is similar to what is known as the "˜Denver Boot,’ which when locked on the front wheel of a vehicle, renders it undrivable.

"The NASCAR Boot is actually quite fashionable as well as functional," said Robin Pinheadton, NASCAR’s vice president of competition between girlfriends, fiancées and wives. "Basically, it is a big cast that fits around the foot. Inside the boot is a "˜super magnet.’ Miss Lunders will be immediately escorted to the NASCAR trailer upon her arrival at any sanctioned event at which time she will be sized and fitted. After that, she will be placed upon the team’s pit box, where the magnet will effectively keep her in check. Once there, she becomes the team’s responsibility. That’s the "˜functional’ part.

"We will paint the boot to reflect the team’s insignias and logos. That’s the ‘fashionable’ part," Pinheadton said. "The team just better be careful as to how close they get to her with any tools in their hands."

NASCAR does not have a set rule about "˜team members’ entering into another team’s area, but it is not recommended, especially to discuss things that have happened on the track.

“You can go have a conversation, but it can’t be heated per se,” said Pinheadton.

While it is not exactly known just what Lunders said to Bryan after Kurt Busch punted her boyfriend into the wall on lap 82 last Sunday, NASCAR officials are assuming it was "˜heated.’

THIS JUST IN"¦

BSNewswire (New York) BSNews correspondent Ima Jusfunin, has learned that the producers of NBC’s Dateline are looking for a few "˜American looking’ women for an upcoming investigative special.

The plan, according to Jusfunin, is to send a couple of young, beautiful women dressed as NASCAR fans into various social settings in Iran and Pakistan. "The women will be wearing what young women usually wear for a hot, sweaty day at the track," said Jusfunin. "That will probably consist of a tube top with a popular driver on it, short shorts, and a cap."

Producers plan to conceal tiny microphones and cameras in the garb if suitable locations can be found to conceal them.

"Hell, it’s easy to conceal a camera in a turban! What we are going to do as far as camera placement in tube tops has yet to be determined, but rest assured we have teams of engineers carefully studying the problem," said an unnamed Dateline source. "Our goal is to see if these women will be treated any differently because of their dress and "˜American’ looks."

It is not yet known if any ‘American looking’ women have responded to the call.

"BSNewswire! Remember, your first thought is our first name!"

Stay off the wall, (but on your pitbox, Nicole!)

Jeff

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john
04/13/2006 05:17 AM
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The nascar NOSE is toooo LONG.

Ray
04/13/2006 05:42 AM
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RAOFLMAO…well not all of it…great stuff Jeff.
The “NASCAR boot” is classic! Leaves me steaming…why didn’t I think of that! Now I gotta think of something else to write about….

 

Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

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