The Frontstretch: BSNews!: Possible Sanctions for Junior After Practice Crash by Jeff Meyer -- Thursday February 17, 2011

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BSNews!: Possible Sanctions for Junior After Practice Crash

Jeff Meyer · Thursday February 17, 2011

 

Sources have confirmed for BSNews that NASCAR officials are positively fuming after Daytona 500 pole sitter, Dale Earnhardt, Jr., crashed during Wednesday’s Sprint Cup practice session.

“This is absolutely the last thing we needed at this point,” said a high ranking NASCAR official who wished to remain anonymous. “This thing has been scripted out for months. The directors and producers at FOX are screaming bloody murder and I don’t blame them.”

Just moments after wrecking in Wednesday’s practice, Dale Jr. put on the shades, signed some fan autographs and promptly ran in his hauler to hide from the wrath of “Sunday’s Film Director,” Brian Z. France.

While it is unclear if the anonymous official was ranking or just high, what is clear is that Junior will now have to go to a backup car. More importantly, he’ll have to go to the back of the field for the Sunday start of Brian’s Greatest Show on Earth.

“It was all going to be so cool,” the official explained. “Junior was scheduled to be leading the race on Lap 3. How the hell we are going to get him up front in 3 laps has everyone scrambling for ideas. I don’t know how it’s going to play out. He (Junior) assured us that this was his destiny and well within his talents, but then he goes and does this. All I know is that Brian has already called the lawyer team up and has had talks with Mike Helton about possible points sanctions for actions detrimental. All I know is that if he don’t make it to the front by the end… well, we don’t even want to go there!”

The whole fracas started when Junior (No. 88) and Jimmie Johnson (No. 48) were drafting in a two-car pack. The No. 48 slowed up to avoid another unusual two-car pack and the No. 88 got even more into the back of him. Consequently, another two-car pack, led by the No. 56 of Martin Truex, Jr. got into the No. 88, sending the No. 88 and the No. 56 spinning into the infield. Dale Jr. hit the inside SAFER barrier and bounced back into Truex.

Jimmie Johnson is said to have fully recovered from his loose rear end condition.

In other BSNews; Daytona Edition…

Brian Z. France, genius… and CEO of NASCAR, announced today that in light of the way the Bud Shootout went, NASCAR will change its strategy of trying to break up the paired drafting that seems inevitable for the upcoming race and embrace it instead.

“I have listened to the fans and am pleased to announce that, and I told FOX that this is just how its gonna be, that the entire race will be run to the lilting tunes of the popular artist, Tupac,” said France, attired not in his usual Armani suit but a black Fubu hoodie instead. “We tried to get him here to sing the National Anthem, but at this late stage in the game, I’m told he is busy with prior engagements. At any rate, and I say this with confidence for I have studied it long and hard, this will be just the thing, just the tip of the iceberg if you will, to get us “in” with today’s hip young culture. Two pack on the race track and Tupac on the soundtrack! YO!”

BSNews. Your first thought is our first name!

Contact Jeff Meyer

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Jacob
02/17/2011 05:18 AM
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The solution to NA$CAR’s problem is readily apparent.
In the driver’s meeting brian can tell everybody that there will be a “competition caution” at the end of lap one, and it will involve the first 42 cars in the running order. Then, all that NA$CAR will need to do is hold the field on pit road for a lap, and Jr. can’t screw up Fox’s plans no matter how hard he tries.

Jeff
02/17/2011 06:05 AM
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Probably dumbest thing I have read by this guy, and that is saying a lot. If you have nothing to report, then don’t. Or do you get paid by the article?

Skeeter
02/17/2011 07:41 AM
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“This thing has been scripted out for months.” Well, duh, like nobody knew this was scripted but it’s the first time NASCAR admitted it.

Being the 10th anniversary of the old man getting killed and Jr. just happens to bounce back to the pole at the place where it all happened. It echoes the past when Jr. was winning all of those races deep in Earnhardt country at ‘Dega after Sr.‘s death. Just as back then, NASCAR is trying to keep the name in the forefront in an attempt to get/keep viewers. And we all see how that’s working….

Carl D.
02/17/2011 09:15 AM
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I understand Junior having to go to the back of the field for the qualifying race today, but if he manages to win the race, does he still have to go to the back for the 500? That’s the way I understand it, and if that’s truly the case, then Junior should just sit out today’s race rather than take a chance on tearing up yet another car trying to drive through the field. That would really illustrate what a farce the whole qualifying format is.

Jacob
02/17/2011 10:24 AM
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@ Carl D:

I believe you are right. Since his starting position was locked in on qualifying day, his back-up car isn’t the car he qualified, so no matter what happens today, he will have to go to the back of the pack. Had he qualified 3rd fastest on Sunday, and wrecked on Wednesday, then went on to win today, he could have kept his starting position of 3rd. At least that is how it has been handled in the past.

And, again, you are right. Expect Jr. to drop off pace and to the inside almost immediately and head for the garage. They won’t be looking to tear up another car today, because that would leave them with just the already wrecked and repaired shoot-out car to last until Sunday.

@ Jeff:

That is one of the least intelligent comments I have ever read on this site, and that’s saying a lot. After all, I have read a great many posts from randy nacho.
It’s called “BS“News for a reason. It is a satirical look at what is occuring in the sport. If you can’t grasp that without being told, you should probably just ask someone to read the columns for you.

Don Mei
02/17/2011 12:17 PM
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Oh for gods sake! the solution is soooo simple!!! Tomorrow, Brian will announce…drum roll please!!!… that the field will be INVERTED sunday!!!! Yes..you heard it here first!!! Kinda brings new meaning to the old biblical quote and the last shall be first..etc etc..LOL

Frank
02/17/2011 01:10 PM
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Good job, Jeff Meyer, I grinned all the way thru the article. Nicely done.

Jeff
02/17/2011 02:20 PM
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Jacob,
I fully understand sarcasm, so I ask you to not question my intelligence. I was just stating that this was a completely stupid, waste of space, like yourself. :)

Don Mei
02/17/2011 03:46 PM
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Sigh…no sense of humor Jeff? Life is absurd..enjoy it! Aint no one getting out of here alive!!!

Ice Blue
02/18/2011 05:33 PM
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Seems a though some folks don’t get the drift of the title BS News. “DUH” to all of you.

 

Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

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