The Frontstretch: Voices From the Heartland: 'Silly' succumbs to 'Ridiculous' by Jeff Meyer -- Wednesday August 10, 2005

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Voices From the Heartland: 'Silly' succumbs to 'Ridiculous'

Jeff Meyer · Wednesday August 10, 2005

 

(Author's note: One big paragraph is intentional! Read it as fast as you can, but if you are reading it lying down...oh wait, this is the internet, scratch that....uhhhh...just try not to let the room spin to fast!)

Last Call for Rusty in 2005. Mark Martin calls it quits also. Coors/Chip/Felix decide that Sterling Marlin is way too old to be drinking from the Silver Bullet. Jamie McMurray signs on to drive Mark Martin's ride in 2007. "Hey Felix, can I drive Mark's car in 2006?" "No way! I've screwed up this organization enough without you skipping out early! What do ya think of them apples Jack!?!" "Hey Mark, can ya do an old buddy a favor and drive one more year?" "Let me check with my wife, but prolly I could." Michael Waltrip announces the he will not be driving DEI's NAPA-Oreo-Dominoes-Coca-Cola-Best Western-number 15-Chevy Monte Carlo in  2006. Not sure if NAPA-Oreo-Dominoes-Coca-Cola-Best Western will stay with DEI or go with Michael. Matt Kenseth voices his displeasure at not being consulted by Jack about hiring his arch enemy McMurray. "Hey, my contract with Roush runs out after '06, maybe I'll go somewhere else." " Ya know, If I can have the same crew I got now, I'd be tickled to drive the NAPA-Oreo-Dominoes-Coca-Cola-Best Western-number 15-Chevy Monte Carlo for DEI for the rest of my career," says Michael. Joe Gibbs releases Jason Leffler from driving the #11 in circles. Rumors fly that the higher ups at Fed Ex are fed up. Fans fear Bobby Labonte will start driving another type of car altogether. "Yeah, I like driving other cars, but I ain't goin no where!" Anybody seen Jeff Gordon lately? "Hey you guys! Did I mention that I like driving the NAPA-Oreo-Dominoes-Coca-Cola-Best Western-number 15-Chevy Monte Carlo?" Maybe Sterling Marlin would like to drive the Fed Ex car!? Now that he has won in Indy, Tony Stewart sets new goal of climbing every fence on the NASCAR circuit. "Hey Mark, can ya do an old buddy a favor and drive one more year?" "You asked me that already! Why you keep asking me that?" "Excuse me Jack, Mark. Uh....I just signed on to be the highest paid driver in the known galaxy with Penske-South to drive the # 2 starting in 2007....ooooo! Nice catch Mark! Does he always faint like that?" "Mark? Mark? is that you? Will you drive for one more year?" "Hey you guys! I'm still mad at him for not asking me about McMurray!" "SHUT UP MATT!!!!" Steve Hmiel, father of suspended young gun wanna be Shane Hmiel, announces that Shane has good days and bad days. Goodyear executives announce that this years tire problems are a result of rumble strips, excessive camber, low air pressures and an Al Qaeda cell covertly operating within their racing tire division. The tires are fine. Matt Kenseth holds a press conference announcing that because he has been ignored concerning recent hiring’s at Roush Racing, he is fed up and will leave the #17 and sign a huge contract to race the #97 Rubbermaid car to be vacated by Kurt Busch in 2007. That will show em! No wait! That won't work! Brian France announces he will run for President in 2008 on the newly created NASCAR ticket. Anybody seen Jeff Gordon? Reports are flowing in that Jeff Gordon has been seen in numerous airports assaulting unsuspecting passer bys and muttering something about how blissful it is. "Just because I won't be in the Chase this year, it don't mean s***! Oh damn! there goes another 25 points down the drain! Oops! Prolly be 50 now! I'm just sad that Mikey won't be driving the NAPA-Oreo-Dominoes-Coca-Cola-Best Western-number 15-Chevy Monte Carlo next year. He was my friend." Is you head spinning faster that Robby Gordon yet? Who in the world is Shane Hmiel anyway? Felix Sabates announces that the main goal for his newly revamped stable will be to ...

Stay off the wall! (Whew!)

Jeff    

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steve
08/12/2005 07:34 AM
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absolutely one of the funniest and most accurate stories that i have read in along time. ridiculous is not a strong enough word to describe the whole situation.
judy
08/19/2005 07:58 AM
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Could not have said it better myself!! I have been roflmao for weeks now and this article was the icing on the cake

 

Contact Jeff Meyer

Recent articles from Jeff Meyer:

Voices From The Cheap Seats: The Tale Of Two Tires
BSNews! Bruton’s Plans Extend Beyond Bristol’s Track
Top Ten Reasons Fans Failed To Show Up At Bristol Sunday
BSNews! NASCAR CEO Given "Special" Award Amidst Lavish Fanfare
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Want to know more about Jeff Meyer or view his complete article archives? Then hop on over to his archive and bio page.