The Frontstretch: Top Ten Ways Tony Stewart Will Spend His Million by Kurt Smith -- Tuesday May 19, 2009

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Top Ten Ways Tony Stewart Will Spend His Million

Kurt Smith · Tuesday May 19, 2009


10. A new, and this time housebroken, monkey.

Tony Stewart has a million reasons to be happy after Saturday night’s All-Star race.

9. FINALLY pay off in full the group of psychologists for his anger management sessions — including the medical bills for the black eye given to one of them.

8. Hire a goon to beat up people who still call him “Anthony.”

7. Saving $25,000 for his next win, because just saying “bulls***” in Victory Lane just felt so good.

6. A much better A.J. Foyt mask for Halloween.

5. Provide more bailout assistance for GM to help celebrate his return.

4. New and larger shower facilities at Eldora Speedway, eliminating social discomfort of sweaty drivers and crew having to share following the Prelude race.

3. Establish a “Future Pardon Fund” for his business partners, just in case a Clinton someday gets elected again.

2. Buy out the Frontstretch so he can fire me for this list.

1. That Russian Babe in the Old Spice commercial!

Every picture can make us laugh, including some special stillframes from this weekend’s All-Star Race down at Lowe’s Motor Speedway. Kurt Smith’s new Foto Funnies aim to do exactly that, proving the perfect visual addendum to our weekly Top Ten with quips guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. Click the link above to take a look!

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Today on the Frontstretch:
Did You Notice? … A Return To Richmond, Post-Spingate And Quick Hits
NASCAR Mailbox: A ‘Normal’ Saturday And A Valuable Lesson
Beyond the Cockpit: Tony ‘The Sarge’ Schumacher
Open Wheel Wednesday: Controversial Moves, Long Beach Crowds, and Being a Fuddy Duddy
The Frontstretch Five: Pleasant Surprises of 2014 So Far
IndyCar Driver Profile: Takuma Sato
Beyond the Cockpit: Tommy Baldwin on Owning His Team, Hall of Fame and the Number Seven


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05/19/2009 09:14 AM

Tony’s ways to spend the money: PRICELESS

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