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Kurt Smith · Wednesday June 3, 2009
10. Give Junior more responsibility, like washing his own firesuit post-race.
9. Boost morale with AMP-drinking contests, as team members match their caffeine limits in traditional party games.
8. Remind Junior that should he return to Victory Lane, he’ll need to watch his mouth.
7. Obviously, in the spirit of true commitment to change, lose the “but that’s the way Tony always did it” philosophy.
6. Request that Rick Hendrick fine and suspend anyone who puts Metamucil in Lance’s coffee on race day.
5. End the practice of hiding the pit road sign when Junior pits for gratuitous yuks.
4. Develop and practice spoken game of rock-paper-scissors with Junior to settle disputes over who will make the call on car changes during the race.
3. Throw away magic eight-ball used to answer setup questions.
2. Hypnotize Junior to help him get over that unreasonable “green car” superstition.
1. No more stepmother jokes.
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#11) take away his baby bottle!
#12 Get Jr contacts or glasses.
#13 Flunk Jr out of the Micheal Waltrip School of Racing.
#14 Wake Jr up earlier than an hour before the GSYE que so as to get over his Saturday night Whiskey River benders.
#15 Get Jr laid.
#11 – Install a Rightway Dale Earnhardt Jr. portable GPS Navigator system in his car, so Jr. can hear himself while TRYING FIND HIS PITSTALL. “WHOA! Take a left AMPHEAD!”…….. #12 – REPLACE THE DRIVER! Hendrick’s is doing everyhing now for JR. except driving the car!