The Frontstretch: Top Ten Uses For CoT Wings Now by Vito Pugliese -- Thursday March 25, 2010

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Top Ten Uses For CoT Wings Now

Frontstretch Top Ten · Vito Pugliese · Thursday March 25, 2010


With the CoT wing now a thing of the past effective this weekend at Martinsville, what will NASCAR do with all of this extra equipment left over?

10. All wings to be promptly shipped down to Guantanamo Bay to be used for waterboar…err…uhh…surfing. Yeah…that’s it…surfing…

9. End plates can be used as earmuffs for President Obama, blocking out deafening boos from protesters as he goes on the road touting merits of the new Health Care bill.

8. One wing will remain in the field, affixed to the No. 48 car, in a vain attempt to give somebody else a shot to win the rest of the year.

NASCAR left Bristol with a whole bunch of wings and absolutely no clue how they’re going to use them. Here’s an idea: the No. 48 could use a little extra drag…

7. Ryan Newman to build entry for Red Bull Flugtag competition using pair of CoT wings, unicycle, and one of Mike Helton’s old sport coats.

6. Will be handed out as pre-race souvenirs to fans prior to Aaron’s 499 at Talladega next month, anticipating Dale Earnhardt, Jr.‘s breakthrough win. What could possibly go wrong?

5. Denny Hamlin to build A-Team-esque barricade around right side of his car with old wings, allowing him to blow tires and bounce off walls with impunity.

4. Kenny Wallace to fashion hat out of CoT wing, wear it at public events, point at it, and laugh manically. You think I’m joking … just watch.

3. Carl Edwards and Brad Keselowski to settle differences in steel cage match, armed only with obsolete NASCAR devices. Edwards will have CoT wing wearing cool suit, while Keselowski wields the Humpy Bumper, clad in Hutchens straps…

2. Greg Biffle to replace rear-view mirror in 3M Ford with CoT wing. Since his helmet radio seems to not work when being passed for position, he need not bother with those pesky mirrors, either…

1. Wings melted down into molten metal slurry, used to patch holes that develop in superspeedways during major events – you know, like the Daytona 500 or something.

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Kevin in SoCal
03/24/2010 02:49 AM

11. Dress them up as NASCAR fans, and stick them in the stands to make it look like they’re more full.

03/24/2010 08:34 AM

Now Kevin has the right idea!!

03/24/2010 11:26 AM

Hang one on the office walls of Mike Helton and Robin Pemberton to constantly remind them that when everyone tells you an idea sucks , you should listen .

03/25/2010 08:12 AM

Donate them to the production crew of the next episode of the Fasterer and Furiouser movies.

The Mad Man
03/25/2010 09:26 AM

Make sure one of them goes into the NASCAR Hall of Fame as a “tribute” to Brain Farce’s “infinite wisdom” and “knowing what’s best for the sport”.

Jeffrey Boswell
03/25/2010 09:40 AM

Send them to Paul McCartney, who can use the scraps to make a new leg for his ex-wife, Heather Mills.

Or, say they are all wings from the #88, grossly overprice them, and watch them go like hotcakes to Junior fans.

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