Last November, about the time that NASCAR’s “Silly Season” was officially declared to start, my personal life went into a “Silly Season” all its own, the seriousness of which, well… if you compared side-by-side pictures of Todd Bodine and myself, let’s just say that Todd appears to have a full head of hair.
After a great deal of self-examination (an exercise that I suggest you embark on with caution, as you must be prepared to deal with what you may find), I have decided that perhaps a bit more optimism and cheerfulness may be in order, to flow from the musings of this column when dealing with the world of NASCROC, I mean NASCAR. For example,
Last year, if I had been commenting about the new changes in the Chase format, I probably would have said something to the effect that, if you believe any of the mindless drivel that drips from the mouth of Brian France, you are stupider than a box of rocks. Of course, that drivel would be defined as adding five more points for a win, a “landmark” change that will supposedly make the Chase 10 times more exciting… well, let’s just let Brian speak about it.
“The adjustments taken today put a greater emphasis on winning races,” said NASCAR Chairman and CEO Brian France. “Winning is what this sport is all about. We want our sport – especially during the Chase – to be more about winning.”
This year, when writing about such things, I would revise my writing to say that “you(r intelligence) may not quite be up to the educational level of a container of geological samples.”
Revisions of such statements, I feel, are more optimistic in a number of ways. First, it gives the readers the option, most of whom will exercise, to exclude themselves from the group it was intended to represent. Secondly, such wording will fly right over the heads of the representative populace, thus reducing the feelings of hatred that may be directed my way, resulting in a happier state of mind for all involved. Finally, and perhaps more importantly, it just sounds better and at the same time, increases my word count.
I would like to take the opportunity at this time to thank the many long time readers who have stood behind me and my “pull no punches, take no prisoners” style of writing these last few years. You are greatly appreciated!
It is my sincerest wish that you continue your patronage, and please, try to enjoy this new, more cheerful style of pointing out such things in this, the world of “the best competitive contests amongst vehicles that most closely resemble the automobiles operated by the general civilian populace of North America” (the entertainment formerly known as NASCAR, in case you are not used to this yet).
It is with the utmost earnestness that I anticipate the coming season of this, the year of our Lord, 2007.
Please refrain from impacting any structures that may be constructed adjacent to your current trajectory whilst operating a motorized vehicle.
Or, for those of you not quite ready to tackle this all at once, don’t be a Johnny Sauter,
Stay off the wall!