10. Hi there, sweetie, what you need in your gizzard is a big ol’ smooch from this here cute lil’ pit lizard!
9. We know it is only practice, the car wasn’t even in trim. But we think you’re slow and you can’t do the job, so we gave your car to him. Smooches, Your Car Owner
8. Remember last year when you wrecked my favorite driver? So do I! I’ll be waiting to pay you back after the race.
Signed, Drunken Fan with Anger Management Issues Who Flunked Second Grade Rhyming
7. So you won a race once, big fat hairy deal. That was so long ago, they still used stone wheels. Love, your replacement
6. Dear driver: Oh how I love you! I came from so very far. If you won’t date me willingly, I will shove you in the trunk of my car. Always and Forever, Your No. 1 Fan
5. Honey, I know you’re busy so I’ll keep this brief, I’m leaving you for your teammate’s crew chief. Kisses, Mrs. Driver
4. Hi there fast fella, I’m just tryin’ to schmooze, give Big Al garage passes, get lifetime tattoos!
2. You crashed me at ‘Dega and dumped me at Lowe’s… so I left a little present in your Gatorade hose. Sincerely, Your Favorite Rival
1. Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m suspending your crew chief and taking points away, too. Love Always, Brian