10. Let Medallion Financial Corp.^ sponsor the race, featuring 43 selected cab drivers as the drivers while the actual drivers ride shotgun and try to give them advice. (Great for the Diversity program, too!)
^ – The leading financier of taxicab medallions in various U.S. cities, who desperately wants to buy into NASCAR
9. Move the date to California Speedway so we, the fans, can hear once again just how full the stands really are and how great the shopping is under the grandstands.
8. Hold the race on the Dan Ryan Expressway during regular rush hour traffic. We’ll see just how brave NASCAR drivers really are!
7. Feed each driver a plate of “Chicago Style” hot dogs and baked beans before the race and enhance the in-car audio for that true “Windy City” effect.
6. Cut the race down to a 50-lap shootout.
5. Lean the frontstretch catchfence in towards the infield just to mess with Tony Stewart‘s mind in case he wins. (“And Leon’s getting laaaarrrger!”)
4. Remove all sponsor decals and numbers and paint all the cars the same color, leaving fans on the edge of their seats as they wait to see who climbs out in Victory Lane.
3. Move the race to the suburb of Cabrini-Green.
2. Let all those that “Did Not Qualify” do the telecast.
1. Clone Kyle Busch 42 times and put them all on the track in identical cars, just so we can hear how Kyle didn’t help himself pass himself on the final lap, thus robbing him from beating himself after the race.
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