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Top 10 Translations of Tony Stewart’s Post-Race Interview as Spoken by Other NASCAR Personalities

Translated Statement:
“This one is for everyone in the stands who pull for me and have to take the bull(expletive) from everyone else.” – Tony Stewart

10. “This win was engineered for all the fans’ perspectives, as they encourage me every week and are made to suffer the derision of everyone else.” – Ryan Newman

9. “Great victory for NASCAR. All those fans. NASCAR has never been better. All these changes. A step in the right direction. Lots of support from everyone. Always a few critics, but we refuse to focus on the negativity. Just look at the attendance.” – Brian Z. France

8. “I’ll tell you whut. This one’s for all ‘dem cats in the stands. Doesn’t matter whut ‘dem other cats say. We had one fast hot rod today!” – Rusty Wallace

7. “This win’s for all those people that realize I am the greatest racer that ever strapped into a racecar. When it comes to those who didn’t believe, well, the story ends with me putting them in the wall.” – Loren Wallace (Mike Wallace‘s third cousin, once removed)

6. “Let me just say this one thing. Today’s win, that’s for you fans. I don’t care what them other idiots say. If they give you any s*%t about me winning, just knock them upside the head. You don’t have to take that.” – Jimmy Spencer

5. “HAHAHAHAHA!… Whew!… Oh, man! That was great! HAHAHAHAHA, Wow! I just wanna say, HAHAHA, No really, listen listen, HAHA… I just wanna say, You fans, You fans are just GREAT! YEEOOWWW! (does a little dance)… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Did ja like that?!,… HAHAHAHAHA! YEAAAAAH!” (more dancing, interview still going on at press time) – Kenny Wallace

4. “Today’s crowning achievement speaks voluminously for all those that have supported the rich tradition of NASCAR throughout the years. Once more, YOU have the final say, and will not have to contend with anymore bovinian excrement from the outspoken naysayers.” – TNT’s Bill Weber

3. “This one is for all those fans that hate me, and my teammates that refuse to help me. I sure showed them; even though the car sucked all day, I don’t need none of their crap, or anyone else’s for that matter!” – Kyle Busch

2. “This one is for everyone who has supported the NAPADomino’sPizzaCoca-ColaKlaussnerFurnitureBestWesternToyotaCamry all this time. Even when we were qualifying like dog doo-doo, you all stuck with us, and I’m real happy for that. My hair look OK?” – Michael Waltrip

1. “Thisun ee-uz foevewuninthstans whopuhfomeanhafta tayk thu buhlsheet from evahwonels.” – Ward Burton

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