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Top 10 Things Dumber Than Buying/Building a House Near a Racetrack & Then Complaining About the Noise

Author’s note: I wanted to leave all of these 10 blank, but the editors – while agreeing that the list would indeed be factual – also felt that it would be a “cop out” on my part, and insisted I actually list something this week. Apparently, they are onto me… note that they (the editors) are NOT on the list!

10. Trying to teach a pig to sing. (Whoops! I’m Guilty! Hey, here in Iowa, we sometimes get bored waiting for the corn to mature.)

9. Buying or leasing a racing engine from DEI.

8. Betting on Greg Biffle to win, I mean, finish a race at Talladega.

7. Most any action that begins with the sentence, “Hey y’all! Watch this!”

6. Most any action/edict that originates from the head office of NASCAR in Daytona Beach.

5. An ABC/ESPN reporter expecting a statement from Tony Stewart after a race.

4. A bumper sticker on your car that says, “I’d rather be sober!”

3. Surprising your wife with the gift of a six-pack of Slim Fast milkshakes.

2. Believing that any “reality” television show is just that.

1. Apparently, the Concord City Council, for listening to said residents and rezoning SMI’s property.

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