Well folks, it’s that time of year again! It’s time to get creative and dye those Easter eggs! For all you hardcore NASCAR fans, I hope this week’s column will give you a few ideas on where to hide all those eggs that you actually put racecar numbers on. (Don’t be ashamed, everyone does it. It’s just that no one talks that much about it!) Plus, it’s a great way to familiarize all the young’uns with the current drivers and their sponsors. Going a step further, if you get those little tykes (and the grownups, too) reasoning out where they’re most likely to find, say, the No. 26 Crown Royal egg, you’re creating not only a fan, but a more intelligent fan at that!
Before we get started, though, I want to add one thing. Longtime readers may remember that I have done this sort of column before, about three years ago. Back then, times were different – men were real men, women were real women, and sponsors were real sponsors… only more prolific and loyal. In today’s trying economic times, however, many teams have multiple sponsors signed throughout the year. In order to keep things a bit more simple – a condition my mind is more suited for – I am going to go by those companies that were on the cars in last Sunday’s race at Bristol. So, without further mumbling, lets get started,
No. 00 David Reutimann – Aaron’s Dream Machine: While a driver change is happening for the next race and beyond (Reutimann to the No. 44 and Michael McDowell to the No. 00), this egg, depending on the financial situation of your particular family, could be hidden dang-near any appliance in the house – especially if there is one that you happen to be renting. If you do not rent any, well, just skip this one; tell the kids that Mikey’s brother Darrell must have snuck in the house and taken it!
No. 01 Regan Smith – Principal Financial: Hide this one on any cluttered desk under a large stack of papers or tucked away in a desk drawer. If, like most important financial papers, you forget where you put this one, ask your secretary, I mean, significant other where it is.
No. 07 Clint Bowyer – Jack Daniel’s: OK, this is one for the grown-ups and one of my favorites! Obviously black and white, put this one in a tumbler in the liquor cabinet. This is often one of the first to be found, and lately, has been going over with the crowd very well!
No. 1 Martin Truex Jr. – Bass Pro Shops/Tracker: This one can be adorned with a bunch of cute little fishes and hidden outside in the family boat. If your neck of the woods is still unsuitable for outdoor Easter egg hunts, hide it in your tackle box. But if hidden in the tackle box and it is never found, don’t despair! You can always use it for stink bait when you do happen to go fishing for the first time this year.
No. 2 Kurt Busch – Miller Lite: Obviously blue and white, this is another one for the Big Boys and is best kept in the fridge. This one may also be found with several others, which we will mention later. (Here’s a hint: They’re sometimes found in the fridge in the garage, usually after noon). If you happen to make more than one of these, it’s alright; their consumption won’t ruin your dinner, as they are reportedly less filling.
No. 5 Casey Mears – Kellogg’s: This colorful egg is best put inside a box of Frosted Flakes. In the past, this egg was one of the goofiest looking of the bunch; but since a 2008 change of drivers, its looks have improved 100%!
No. 6 David Ragan – AAA Insurance: Here’s another one that you may or may not have. If you do decide to make this one, hide it in a file cabinet drawer… but be warned! If you do own it, other eggs may hound you, insisting you can save hundreds by favoring them instead.
No. 7 Robby Gordon – RVs.com: This one should obviously be hidden in the family RV or camper. Be extremely careful to put the proper decals on this one from the start, though, so you don’t have Brian France knocking on your door trying to fine you!
No. 8 Aric Almirola et al. – U. S. Army: With all the troops serving valiantly overseas, this egg needs to be light tan with a few darker patches. Don’t actually hide this one; but rather, send it to a service person overseas and let them know we are thinking of them.
No. 9 Kasey Kahne – Budweiser: Again, this one may be found in the kitchen or the garage, often beside the No. 2. For best results, feel free to make as many as six or even 12 of this simple red and white design.
No. 11 Denny Hamlin – FedEx: This egg could be anywhere between here and there at any given time; it will usually show up near the front door just as you get in the shower. When found, a signature may be required.
No. 12 Ryan Newman – Alltel: Especially after a hard Saturday night, this egg could be hidden practically anywhere. Sometimes, it may help if you call it. Once found – following the wishes of Ryan’s father – this egg is strictly forbidden to be shared with anyone who has attended Purdue University.
No. 15 Paul Menard – Menards: Following Menard’s favorite practice, cut this egg in half and only hide part of it. Attach a small coupon informing the kids that they may may get the other half if they mail in the attached rebate form.
No. 16 Greg Biffle – Jackson Hewitt: Depending on if you are scheduled to get a refund, this egg may not be found until April 15th. And if you did get a refund… well, you’ve probably made, hid, found and consumed this egg already.
No. 17 Matt Kenseth – Dish Network: This egg is best hidden on the roof or a small post on the side of the house. Be sure it is pointing south just right!
No. 18 Kyle Busch – M&M’s: While this egg is very colorful, it has, as of this year, become the goofiest looking of the bunch and lost most of its followers. At any rate, the best place to hide this one is still in the “secret candy drawer!”
No. 19 Elliott Sadler – Stanley: This egg is usually forgotten in the junk drawer, right next to the tape measure which you can never find when you need it.
No. 20 Tony Stewart – Home Depot: Warning! This egg may be very temperamental and outspoken. Wives will often hide this one near a project they have been nagging you about; they are usually found “when you get around to it.” However, this one will feel extremely smooth this year, and may have a waxy residue still attached.
No. 22 Dave Blaney – Caterpillar: This one is bright yellow and usually easy to spot. It should be hidden at the nearest construction site to your home. Do not fret about the distance – you will have plenty of time to find it on your way to work Monday morning, during the traffic jam the said construction site usually produces.
No. 24 Jeff Gordon – DuPont: This egg has traditionally been extremely colorful, and is one of the most recognizable of all. In years past, this one was usually found right away, but this year it seems to like to be found midway through the hunt.
No. 26 Jamie McMurray – Crown Royal: As mentioned at the beginning of this article, this is a special egg that may be hidden in your liquor cabinet (in the back). Be sure to hide it as far behind the No. 07 egg as the depth of your cabinet will allow.
No. 28 Travis Kvapil – Yates Racing: Unfortunately, this egg will have no color on it whatsoever this year. But since a regular white egg would stand out like a sore thumb, if you really want to mess with the kids’ minds, put this one back in the egg carton in the fridge.
No. 29 Kevin Harvick – Shell/Pennzoil: This egg is best hidden at your local gas station… preferably a Shell station. Folks East of the Ohio River, should they possess a sarcastic mean streak, should hide it at a Sunoco station. Wherever it’s hidden, make sure your kids know to repeatedly ask the station manager if he/she has seen it. Just do not hide this egg near the No. 20 egg, as it may cause it (the No. 20) to spin.
No. 31 Jeff Burton – AT&T Mobility: This egg may be hidden anywhere, and it will work equally well – unlike the Sprint egg that you will not be making anyway! And remember, it should be found first!
No. 38 David Gilliland – freecreditreport.com: This egg, no matter where it is hidden, is easily found. Simply listen for the stupid little ditties it will be singing about how its life was ruined by bad credit.
No. 40 Dario Franchitti – The Hartford: A relative newcomer and unknown in our NASCAR eggdom, it is probably best to put this one next to the No. 6 egg so they can fight it out amongst themselves as to who is going to save whom how much. If the investment angle is what you are going for here, make it a nice little nest and hide it in your safe deposit box.
No. 41 Reed Sorenson – Target: With that “bullseye” on the side, hide this one in the rec room/den and affix it (with double sided tape) to the center of the dartboard. Just remember to remove your boss’s and/or spouse’s picture first!
No. 42 Juan Pablo Montoya – Texaco/Havoline: This egg may be hidden in the garage; or, if you don’t change your own oil, take it to your local Wal-Mart and let someone else find it.
No. 43 Bobby Labonte – Cheerios/Betty Crocker: This one should be hidden in a kitchen cupboard and will be found either at breakfast time or dinner time, depending on who is hungry for what or what your cholesterol level is.
No. 44 Dale Jarrett – UPS: This one is best hidden in a plain brown wrapper between the screen door and the front door; or, if you can catch it, in that big brown blur that just sped past with some gray-haired, grinning guy driving it. As with the No. 11, a signature may be required.
No. 45 Kyle Petty – Marathon American Spirit Motor Oil: If you can fit all that on an egg, more power to ya! I’d just slap some glasses, a hat and a ponytail on it and call it good. It will probably be about the 40th egg found.
No. 48 Jimmie Johnson – Lowe’s Home Improvement: Although this egg may be hidden near that project you’ve been meaning to do, it will be easy to find, as it will be begging to be found first again for the third year in a row. Easily identified by its unibrow.
No. 49 Ken Schrader – Qtrax.com: I didn’t know either, so I Googled it! Qtrax is the first free, legal peer-to-peer (P2P) digital music site. Having just given them more advertising than they got the whole race, I’d say hide this one right next to your iPod! If your iPod is suddenly full, don’t worry – it’s legal and more importantly, free!
No. 55 Michael Waltrip – NAPA: This simple blue and yellow egg is always easy to find; it says “I’m the NAPA egg” over and over and over. Usually has a nice head of hair.
No. 66 Scott Riggs – Haas Automation: This one should be hidden in something that resembles a small jail cell – say a cat or pet carrier – in honor of the team owner. Remember to remove the pet first.
No. 70 Jeremy Mayfield – Haas Automation: Well I guess this is a two-fer! At least these two eggs will not get lonely. If needed, one of the two may be nicknamed Ben Dover.
No. 77 Sam Hornish Jr. – Mobil 1: Like the No. 42, take this one somewhere else and let someone else find it. It’s just easier, and I’m running out of imagination!
No. 78 Joe Nemechek – Furniture Row Racing: This one may be hidden behind the couch or the La-Z-Boy. Do not hide it in them, as you may find it prematurely.
Nos. 83 and 84 Brian Vickers and Mike Skinner – Red Bull: Like the No. 66 and the No. 70, you might as well keep these two together; but in the fridge, not the pet carrier. (If not seen right away, look behind the bottle of Jagermeister that’s in there, too!)
No. 88 Dale Earnhardt Jr. – National Guard/Mt. Dew/AMP Energy Drink: This is by far the most popular egg! Don’t believe me? Take a poll and find out! Doesn’t matter where you hide this one; especially this year, as it will be one of the first found. (Much to the consternation of eggs No. 24 and 48, I might add!)
No. 96 JJ Yeley – DLP HDTV: This one may be especially hard to find. Supposedly, it should be crystal clear… but they claim that it is all done with mirrors. Best to hide it near your present TV to remind you to get a new one!
No. 99 Carl Edwards – Office Depot: The way things have been going, you will probably find this egg very fast and grinning ear-to-ear. But once found, carry it very carefully! It may flip out of your hand – especially if found first!
Well, there you have it everyone – 43 ideas on how to spend your upcoming Saturday night and Sunday. As always, feel free to share your great egg ideas with the rest of us who also “got it bad!”
Have a wonderful and joyous Easter!
Stay off the wall (remember what happened to Humpty Dumpty!),
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