9. Dale Earnhardt Jr., with the help from a “computer geek friend,” manipulates the Most Popular Driver poll for the day to show Kyle Busch has a runaway lead. He then gives Kyle an anonymous phone call.
8. Darrell Waltrip is told he is to receive the “Sports Broadcaster of the Year” Award.
7. Travis Kvapil opens a envelope that says “You May Already Be a Winner” on the front with high anticipation.
6. Roush Fenway Racing receives a COD package (delivered by someone suspiciously resembling Dale Jarrett) from MWR. Contents include a sway bar from a ’78 Ford F-150 and a handwritten note saying “Sorry for the mix-up!”
5. Joseph Enterprises Inc. (makers of the chia pet) announce a new model; Tony Stewart lying in a prone position. Spread the chia seeds on Tony’s back and watch ’em grow!
4. Martin Truex Jr. calls Little E bragging about a new contract he just signed with Teresa that gives him 51% of DEI.
3. Ingrid calls Jeff Gordon from the offices of Brooke’s lawyer, knowing it will come up on the caller ID, just to ask him how his day is going.
2. Brian France calls Shane Hmiel (who?) and tells him the sanctioning body is willing to give him one more chance.
1. GQ announces that, with the editorial staff terribly torn between Brian France and Kyle Busch, Nationwide driver Steve Wallace will grace next month’s cover. The deciding factor, Steve’s haircut!