Daytona Beach, Fla. – In what can only be described as a shocking admission, Brian France revealed today that he has, in fact, used Coke on a daily basis for a few years now… even on days that he was scheduled to make important decisions regarding how NASCAR is run.
Fans may remember that a few years ago, France was involved in an incident involving the Daytona Beach Police Department, where witnesses say he was driving erratically near his home. Upon investigation, police found a substance on the front seat of his Lexus. That substance later proved to be a potentially dangerous “cocktail” of Coke and another substance that is believed to have originated in Puerto Rico.
While France insists that he never considered himself “a wreck waiting to happen” while in the office making decisions, he does concede that night changed his life for the better.
“That night was a wake up call for me,” said France. “I can assure you that an incident like that will never happen again. I have, since that night, gotten rid of that car. It was unsafe. Safety is what I, as the leader of NASCAR, am all about. My new car, what I call the ‘LoT,’ or Lexus of Tomorrow, has a cup holder that is much more accessible to the driver than the older model.”
NASCAR insiders say Brian has adamantly insisted that, despite an alleged injury to a stump, there was never any reason to suspect that he was using Coke during working hours, and therefore never bothered to test himself under NASCAR’s Substance Abuse Policy.
BSNews Exclusive! – BSNews veteran reporter Stu Padasso is reporting that the remainder of the 2008 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series schedule has been called off!
The word in the garage is, now that two-time defending champion Jimmie Johnson has finally won a race this season, the rest of the teams – in an effort to save money and prepare for next season – have called it quits.
“I can’t speak for the rest of the teams, but just look at the mainstream media,” said Roush Fenway Racing owner, Jack Roush. “They all say that Jimmie has hit his stride and, coupled with the best crew chief ever to have chiefed a crew, Chad Knaus, we figure we might as well hang it up for 2008. Looks like the Chase came early this year!”
Roush went on to add the consensus among the rest of the owners is to treat the weekends that were “scheduled” to have a race as mere testing sessions.
NASCAR brass, fuming over the owners’ attitude, insist that their ploy is nothing more than a clever attempt to circumvent their limited testing policy they imposed a few years ago, and vow to close this loophole. While there has been no official word on how they plan to do that, sources say they are leaning towards doing away with driver and owner points altogether for the first 35 events of the season, simply crowning a champion at the end of the race in Homestead.
RCR PR – Wine Enthusiast magazine has recently proclaimed Childress Vineyards one of America’s Top-25 Tasting Rooms.
The vineyard, founded by NASCAR team owner Richard Childress in 2004, features “a stone and stucco building, terra-cotta style roof and large tasting room, shop and The Bistro restaurant, all reminiscent of Tuscany.”
While the room may be large, two of Childress Vineyards most touted wines, the Reserve Syrah and the Signature Meritage, both described as “sublime,” were narrowly beaten by a bottle of Rippel and a “surprisingly aggressive, yet lasting” bottle of MD 20/20 during a recent taste testing sponsored by NASCAR’s Drive For Diversity program.
NASCAR PR – Wypall Wipers, in addition to sponsoring the “Wypall Crew Chief of the Race” award in the Cup Series, has been named the official windshield wiper and toilet paper supplier of Sunday’s upcoming Nationwide Series race in Mexico.
NASCAR officials have been concerned about the possibility of rain this Sunday in Mexico and, as one unnamed source said: “There’s always those that go down there and don’t listen about drinking the water!”
NASCAR feels that with Wypall, both the competitors and the fans will be covered.
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Stay off the wall,