10. Make sure that NASCAR’s Most Popular Driver wins so the maximum number of people are happy.
9. Make sure Kyle Busch doesn’t win for exactly the same reason.
8. Send an expendable official out in front of Matt Kenseth’s car to create controversy and sympathy for all officials.
7. Allow the officials to unionize, thus creating the Association For Race Officials, (AFRO) so this sort of thing doesn’t happen again.
6. Threaten to drown any journalist that was planning on writing about it last week. (HEY! Wait a minute…)
5. Pull advertising revenue from any publication or deny any journalist credentials that plans on writing about it THIS week.
4. Announce the best plan ever to sell out Auto Club Speedway (aka California Speedway): Allow it to be used for mass gay marriages under new “diversity plan” guidelines.
3. “What lawsuit?” – Brian France
2. Announce that they have reworded an earlier memo to be more specific; when instructing Nationwide Officials “to help the series gain more exposure to minorities…” remind them that Junior Johnson was NEVER ONCE mentioned in the memo.
1. Put Brian France on television to talk about it, thus insuring no one will listen and probably even turn off the set altogether.
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