We are all familiar with Jeff Foxworthy’s trademark redneck jokes. In fact, you probably are one if you are reading this right now. Now, I’m not about to assert that I, even though we share the same first name, am anywhere close to Foxworthy’s status, but like him, I too have made a few observations over the years that I’ve been following NASCAR. Some are more obvious than others; however, even when I’m nowhere near a race track, it is still pretty easy to spot even the casual fan.
So, without further adieu, I say, “You may be a NASCAR fan if….”
If you get pulled over and could tell the officer exactly how fast you were going, even if you speedometer doesn’t work but your tach does… If you met your significant other at the track or some other racing-related event… If you have to go to a formal event and realize that all your clothes have a “number” on them somewhere… You might be a NASCAR fan.
If you go to a restaurant, and really, really like entrée number 18, but order something different because you don’t like Kyle Busch… If you gain weight or lose weight just to keep your waist size the same as a certain car number (wish my guy was No. 34 instead of No. 99!)… If your kids or other family members are always giving you gifts related to racing, and you display them all (the gifts) even though they don’t relate to your favorite driver… If your young children know, DON’T PLAY WITH DAD’S RACECARS!… If you butt in to a stranger’s conversation to correct them as to the next race on the schedule, without even consulting the little schedule in your wallet… You may be a NASCAR fan.
Obviously, if your significant other is a fan, too, that is swell; however, many times, that is not the case. So if your spouse still loves you even though you run off with your buddies for a week in an RV loaded with beer… you may be a VERY LUCKY NASCAR fan! If you still love him/her even though your spouse continually refers to “those damn cars turning left”… If you buy your non-fan spouse expensive gifts the week before you run off with your buddies for a week… If you’ve ever threatened one of your buddies that “those pictures better NEVER get out!”… You might be a NASCAR fan!
In the bedroom, if you know your spouse’s “mood” by the color of flag displayed on his/her nightstand… Like the classic commercial suggested, if you have a set of flags outside the bathroom… If you think of racing instead of bug killer when someone mentions “black flag”… If you know what either a black flag with a white “X” in it or a blue flag with an orange diagonal stripe means… If when you see a white flag, instead of thinking you are surrendering, you think you are about to win… You may be a NASCAR fan.
Let’s face it, for most of us, the closest we get to being on the track is our daily commute. So when you are out there everyday, consider the following… If you refer to the person in the passenger seat as your “spotter” and expect them to perform as such… If that person is your spouse, and you actually TRUST their judgment… If you “draft” instead of “tailgate”… If you don’t mind someone else “drafting” you… If you actually “drive further ahead” of your car than the front of the hood… If you or your “spotter” refer to stuff in the road as “debris”… If, when you can, you use both lanes going through a curve on a two-lane highway… You may be a NASCAR fan!
I could go on and on like some races do nowadays, but I won’t. What I want is for you, the loyal Frontstretch reader, to add a few of your own below. However, before you do, I leave you with one more…
If you endeavor to… Stay off the wall (but still have the urge to put others into it, even though you resist… You may be a NASCAR fan!)