10. Post-It notes reminding him that he is a racecar driver and not some minority college kid in the Final Four.
9. Daily “healing hypnosis” sessions induced by staring at the swinging pendulums of three grandfather clocks.
8. A shot of Crown Royal, once a day, in honor of Matt Kenseth.
7. OK, two shots of Crown when he really gets to thinking of how Kenseth helped him out!
6. A daily whirlpool session that includes Kenseth, Jeff Gordon, Ryan Newman and Joey Logano so they can all get together to reminisce about the closing laps — and Denny can brag they got beat by a one-legged Virginian.
5. Strict orders not to enter any butt kickin’ contests.
4. Ordered not to win any races for at least six weeks as doing burnouts is hard on the affected ligaments.
3. A sturdy leg brace, because doctors foresee a massive swelling of his head once he starts believing he’s the only challenger to Jimmie Johnson.
2. Deep knee bends while kissing Mike Ford’s butt for making a gutsy call with less than 10 laps to go.
1. Practice kicking Mike Ford in the butt for making such a gutsy call, causing Denny to work so hard for a win!
About the author
The Frontstretch Staff is made up of a group of talented men and women spread out all over the United States and Canada. Residing in 15 states throughout the country, plus Ontario, and widely ranging in age, the staff showcases a wide variety of diverse opinions that will keep you coming back for more week in and week out.