*10.* Post-It notes reminding him that he is a race car driver and not some minority college kid in the Final Four.
*9.* Daily “healing hypnosis” sessions induced by staring at the swinging pendulums of three Grandfather Clocks.
*8.* A shot of Crown Royal, once a day, in honor of Matt Kenseth.
*7.* OK, _two_ shots of Crown when he really gets to thinking of how Kenseth helped him out!
*6.* A daily whirlpool session that includes Kenseth, Jeff Gordon, Ryan Newman, and Joey Logano so they can all get together to reminisce about the closing laps — and Denny can brag they got beat by a one-legged Virginian.
*5.* Strict orders not to enter any butt kickin’ contests.
*4.* Ordered not to win any races for at least six weeks as doing burnouts is hard on the affected ligaments.
*3.* A sturdy leg brace, because doctors foresee a massive swelling of his head once he starts believing he’s the only challenger to Jimmie Johnson.
*2.* Deep knee bends while kissing Mike Ford’s butt for making a gutsy call with less than 10 laps to go.
*1.* Practice kicking Mike Ford in the butt for making such a gutsy call, causing Denny to work so hard for a win!
“Contact Jeff Meyer”:https://frontstretch.com/contact/14350/
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