After close racing with Mark Martin in the closing laps of Saturday night’s Chicagoland race, Juan Pablo Montoya confronted Martin in the garage and suggested he take driving lessons. Well, why not be a pupil for one of Montoya’s own classes? Here are the top 10 pillars at the “Juan Pablo Montoya Driving School…”
10. Spin Kyle Busch.
9. Make media availability awkward by pointing at your watch every time you’re invited to the Media Center after a third-place finish.
8. When in a shoving match, always wear a helmet.
7. Plus or minus a straightaway is the proper amount of room to leave when racing Juan – but if Juan’s racing you…
6. Make sure your wife always curses other drivers out in another language when rooting for you on Twitter.
5. Don’t ever, ever work on a racecar.
4. You know, that splitter is pretty darn good at cutting tires.
3. If you bunch up the field on a restart, it’s dirty racing. If Juan does it, it’s hard racing.
2. Never pick on someone your own size.
1. Juan Montoya always wins!