10. Pulverize a water bottle before and after the race.
9. Remove Mike Ford’s foot from his mouth, so he can better understand him on the radio.
8. By not pulling a Michael Waltrip and showing up at the wrong track.
7. By not pulling a Michael Waltrip and… racing like Michael Waltrip.
6. Berate crew on the radio… because that’s very motivating.
5. Convince Jimmie Johnson that thumb rings are a fashion no-no.
4. Two steps: Drug Johnson. Remove horseshoe.
3. No pickup basketball!
2. When lapping Sam Hornish Jr., give him plenty of room.
1. Win the race, lead the most laps, deliver a curse-free victory lane interview and watch Chad Knaus’s head explode.