*10.* How to keep police from charging when you have a little “drunk driving” incident you’d like to sweep under the rug. If Michael Waltrip can write a book…
*9.* Directions for programming his new VCR. Betamax just wasn’t cutting it.
*8.* Explain to his staff that when he holds up two fingers, someone needs to take him poopy.
*7.* Revamp Connecticut’s penalties for public indecency and disorderly conduct so it is easier to get ESPN cronies out of trouble.
*6.* One and one and one is three. He’s got to be good looking ‘cause he’s so hard to see.
*5.* His divorce court records. (Thanks, Judge!)
*4.* Has instructed all network announcers to explain how the cars go straight for awhile, then turn left and eventually come back and do it all again.
*3.* Has decided to buy the Rosetta Stone English program so we might figure out what he is saying after all.
*2.* How toilet paper works.
*1.* Just exactly where the damn ice, rum, and coke is at all times!!!!
“Contact Jeff Meyer”:https://frontstretch.com/contact/14350/
A daily email update (Monday through Friday) providing racing news, commentary, features, and information from Frontstretch.com
We hate spam. Your email address will not be sold or shared with anyone else.