*10.* *Eva Busch vs. Samantha Busch:* Because it’s plastic surgery versus using plastic to buy everything in the department store – then doing a half-an-hour show on the purchases for the Style Channel. We know who Nicole Biffle’s rooting for …
*9.* *Joey Logano vs. Greg Biffle:* Because both men are struggling and desperate early in the season, they’re the red-headed stepchildren in their own teams and like making contact with each other in their spare time. Classic undercard with Tom Logano vs. Nicole Biffle within two minutes after they wreck each other out.
*8.* *Robby Gordon vs. Brian France:* Because unlike Kevin Conway, we know Brian’s not calling the cops if things get too rowdy. Each gets a special weapon: Robby chooses Michael Waltrip’s helmet while Brian chose “The Chase.” Somebody needs to give that man a dose of reality…
*7.* *Carl Edwards vs. Brad Keselowski:* Because probation’s over, no one’s tested whether cars can flip with these new front ends and “Bad Boy Brad’s” been a little too quiet as of late. Special undercard on this one: Gilbert Gottfried vs. The AFLAC Duck.
*6.* *Matt Kenseth vs. Jeff Gordon:* Because we’ve seen it before “(March, 2006),”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqh0ozO48oI they’re both looking to steal the spotlight from younger teammates that have overshadowed them (See: Edwards and Jimmie Johnson) and there’s nothing like fighting hunger with … Crown Royal?
*5.* *Mark Martin vs. Juan Pablo Montoya:* Because a 52-year-old with abs and strength twice his age versus a Spanish-speaking pinball with an ego twice the size of the track has to set a Guinness World Record of some sort.
*4.* *Morgan Shepherd vs. Wal-Mart Shoplifter:* Because that’s the type of story that needs to be acted out, again, in front of 100,000 people. Roller skates a must.
*3.* *Ryan Newman vs. Betty McCollum:* Because we highly doubt the U.S. Army sponsorship would be on life support if the Congressman had to stare down this guy after wrecking his car in Turn 4.
*2.* *Kurt Busch vs. Kyle Busch:* Because the All-Star Race wasn’t enough, Married Kyle’s a bit too mature and no matter who gets it, everybody gets a chance to boo.
*1.* *Sam Hornish, Jr. vs. A Washing Machine:* Because don’t you want to find out, once and for all who spins more?
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