10. Put an extra two cars on the grid for random celebrities to serve as obstacles throughout the race. How would “new Kyle” feel if Kiefer Sutherland accidentally served as a roadblock for a few laps?
9. Let the cars run on those weepers, regardless of safety and see what happens. Oh, wait, we’ve been there, done that. Casey Mears might tell you that didn’t work out so well.
8. Have Kyle Busch, Tony Stewart, Brad Keselowski, Kevin Harvick and Juan Pablo Montoya all sit in the heart of I-5 LA traffic for two hours the morning of the race, then send them all to the rear of the field on the pace laps.
7. Make it a real fuel-mileage battle: 2.2-gallon fuel tanks instead of 22. At least the gas men won’t fall asleep!
6. Bring back every NASCAR official’s secret weapon, “mystery debris” in 20-lap intervals. Something tells us people won’t complain.
5. Wait… the racing wasn’t actually horrible this time over the last five laps. Umm… hmm. Uh… North Wilkesboro rules!
4. Get rid of the new car and let them race what they sell in the dealerships for a weekend. The “Street Legal” 400 has a nice LA movie ring to it, right?
3. A win comes with an automatic entry into the Chase. Why not? They’re practically giving playoff spots away at this point like a 70% off sale at Wal-Mart.
2. We hear Darlington could use a second date.
1. One word: dynamite.
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