(Credit: CIA Stock Photography)

BSNews! Hendrick Motorsports Announces Team Changes

BSNews! – Amid a week of various team changes and shuffles throughout much of the garage, Hendrick Motorsports announced it plans a major team swap involving the No. 24 of Jeff Gordon and the No. 88 of Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

Sources that will remain anonymous, mainly because BSNews ace Stu Padasso has forgotten who he was talking to, report that the entire personnel of both the Nos. 24 and 88 teams will be swapped – including the drivers themselves.

What implications does this move have on the Chase? Basically, it means that Gordon is out and his quest for a fifth title and his first Asterisk Cup is essentially over, while Earnhardt will remain in the hunt.

“Ever since my dad first started racing against Jeff and the things he said about him and his talent, I’ve always wanted to drive the 24 car. This is a dream come true,” said a tearful Earnhardt.

NASCAR says that team swaps are allowed and are not unusual. What is unusual is for it to be carried down to the driver level.

Credit: CIA Stock Photography
Earnhardt celebrates his move to the No. 24 team. (Credit: CIA Stock Photography)

“We’ll leaf through the 2014 rulebook if we have a minute but at this time, we don’t have a problem with it seeing as how ratings this week were flatter than the corners themselves,” said a large, dark-haired NASCAR official with a cheesy mustache who wished to remain anonymous.

In other news from Hendrick Motorsports, Jimmie Johnson is under investigation for domestic violence.

After a recent interview, investigators are investigating (who’d have thunk it?) the home life of Johnson and longtime crew chief Chad Knaus. Johnson recently alluded to Knaus being a “dog” when asked if they would ever split up.

“Yeah, that day is out there,” he said. “I think a crew chief’s lifespan is much shorter than a driver’s. They live in dog years and drivers can carry on much longer. It might not be pretty, and I’m sure you guys have heard things on the radio that got your attention. We’re like family, and we fight like family. We can call each other out on that stuff, and you only hear a piece of it on the radio. There is plenty more that goes on behind closed doors and in meetings.”

In an effort to avoid gaining a reputation like the NFL, NASCAR officials will begin their own investigation as soon as Happy Hour ends, and sources say there is talk of an ad campaign featuring various drivers saying, “no more!” in various forms. Sources confirm that ASPCA is also interested in investigating Johnson’s comments if it can get just 60 cents a day to do it.

In recent weeks, things seem to have gotten out of hand in NASCAR, a sport that is traditionally considered a gentlemanly competition with the competitors usually shaking hands and enjoying a beverage together after the show.

Recent press releases bear this disturbing trend.

Harvick not happy with Kenseth after Martinsville wreck: Kevin Harvick put Matt Kenseth on notice at Martinsville Speedway on Sunday. Harvick told reporters following the Goody’s 500, “He will not win this championship. I can promise you that.”

Kahne and Vickers disagree on actions of one another: In the case of Kasey Kahne vs. Brian Vickers, it’s he said, he said. Kahne claims innocence, while Vickers didn’t hesitate in his accusations. The two drivers were involved in a lap 161 incident that left Vickers without a hood on his car and looking for payback. Kahne, feeling pressure from leader Jeff Gordon, caught Vickers in the left-rear corner panel of his car in turn 4, sending the No. 55 around and into the inside wall.

Logano, Patrick talk about Charlotte wreck: “We’ve actually talked about it since then, and I feel like we’ve come to a good conclusion of what happened there,” Joey Logano said. “That’s in the past. That’s in the mirror, and we’ll move forward.” From Logano’s point of view, the hatchet is buried, but the driver of the No. 22 Team Penske Ford still has to hope that Danica Patrick doesn’t decide to bury it in his back.

UPDATE: Things may not be as rosy between Danica Patrick and Joey Logano as Logano believes. Logano said earlier this week he had smoothed things over with Patrick and did not expect retaliation over an incident earlier this month between the two at Charlotte. Patrick cautioned Saturday she will not be pushed around by Logano or anyone else on the race track.

“I told him, ‘If you see me in your mirrors, you can get me out of your mirrors or you can leave me there and one is more dangerous than the others,'” she said. “That’s what I told him. So he pointed me by in practice before it was too late today. That was a good start.”

As anyone can ascertain from these examples of violence and threats, officials have a right to be concerned but the fans need to look out too. Some of the tracks themselves are trying to outright kill them.

Hawg Heaven Bacon Nachos available at Texas Motor Speedway: Levy Restaurants unveil their latest creation – Hawg Heaven Bacon Nachos – that features bacon in four forms. White nacho bacon cheese sauce, chunks of hickory smoked bacon, candied bacon and bacon powder are incorporated to transform this staple sports venue concession item into a meat lover’s delight. Hawg Heaven Bacon Nachos consists of tri-color tortilla chips sprinkled with bacon powder and topped with white cheese bacon nacho sauce, candied bacon, jalapenos, black beans, pico de gallo and sour cream. The item will sell for $8 and only be available at the concession stand on the concourse inside the Gate 4 main grandstand entrance.

Yeah, and feel your arteries harden every time you walk clear over to Gate 4 to get some more!

BSNEWS! Your first thought is our first name!

Stay off the wall,

Stu Padasso

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Jeff is one of the longest-tenured staffers at Frontstretch, starting his second decade as the resident humorist and pain-in-the-butt that keeps NASCAR (and his fellow co-workers) honest. Writing Voices From The Cheap Seats, every Tuesday, his BSNews! Segments along with alter ego “Stu Padasso” have developed a large following. Jeff makes his home in Tennessee and is a Bristol groupie, camping out for the August night race every year since he can remember.

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