*10.* Here’s my chance to let all the air out of Brad’s coach’s tires for implying HMS is playing fast and loose with the rules.
*9.* If I hurry, I can get my favorite window seat on the Hendrick plane!
*8.* If Junior doesn’t win, they can’t say I didn’t do my part…
*10.* Rick Hendrick will donate a small percentage of Dale, Jr’s winnings…in exchange for possible future Presidential Pardons
*9.* Jamie McMurray will appear on stage and pull a rabbit out of Mitt Romney’s as….er, hat.
*8.* Felix Sabates will allow all future campaign slogans to use his name, i.e. ‘Romney and Ryan (with Felix Sabates)
*10.* MOPAR engines only work their best when fully carbureted. Screw this fuel injection crap, we’re outta here!
*9.* Tired of incessant comparisons to “Dodge-Em” bumper cars every stinking time someone used the chrome horn.
*8.* “NASCAR? We don’t need no stinking NASCAR!”
*7.* Top execs running the company DO have ADHD–we’re in! We’re out! We’re in again! We’re out!–and were afraid they too would test positive for Adderall.
*10.* Loop-de-loop that doubles as Turn 4. We know it can be done after “Tanner Foust and Greg Tracy did it at the X Games!”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0Y8tmRYYiA
*9.* Giant sinkhole placed on the outside groove of the Tunnel Turn. Hey, it’s the drivers’ fault for saying it’s gotten too easy!
*8.* Pace car replaced by herd of local deer. Cars must follow regardless of where they wind up.
*7.* Blindfold the leader every 50 laps and see just how good his spotter really is.
*10.* Positive; AJ is suspended indefinitely or until Brian France feels he’s “learned his lesson.
*9.* Negative; AJ is instantly re-instated, throws a huge party with noted guests Dale, Jr. and Shane Hmiel, and is invited by Brian to provide samples ‘A’ and ‘B’ The Sequel.
*8.* Negative; NASCAR asserts that the samples were tampered with and suspends AJ anyway.
*7.* Positive; AJ accepts his fate, along with a HUGE payoff from Penske and Ford, retires to mountain villa with his wife allowing Matt Kenseth to take over the #22 Ford.
*10.* I’m not even a month old and already I’ve got an offer to replace the E-Trade baby in this year’s Super Bowl commercial
*9.* No, Dad, actually I doubt I’ll be ready to run the Legends race at Daytona this February.
*8.* Do you get frequent flyer miles if your dad owns the plane? Hello Cancun!
*7.* If you cry long enough eventually Dad will but Budweiser in your bottle… #Imontothem
*10.* Keselowski’s dash-mounted beer injection system.
*9.* Danica’s super-sized restrictor plate (3 times).
*8.* The fully functional “Oil Slick” and “Nails” buttons Kyle Busch had installed in the 18 car a la James Bond. Bwaaahhahaha so that’s why Jeff Gordon keeps blowing tires…
*10.* Signed autographs for members of the Level Cross Volunteer Fire Company after they tried lighting the candles on his cake
*9.* Vowed to stop telling his son to “get a haircut and get a real job!”
*8.* Gave those young whippersnappers Ambrose and Almirola a good old fashioned finger-wagging talk…just because he could.
*7.* Had a kickass time in the water park at Victory Junction Gang Camp.
*10.* WWE…they allow anything over there!
*9.* Rick Hendrick. Oh, wait… he already is behind the scenes. Next!
*8.* The band Crash Test Dummies.
*10.* Jeff Meyer has become an old man and a grandpa three times over.
*9.* MLK’s dream came to fruition with the election of President Obama.
*8.* Controversy arises when NASCAR doesn’t throw a caution for the huge oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
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