*10.* With so few cautions this season drivers have simply forgotten proper pitting procedures under yellow.
*9.* Track maintenance screw forgot to spray that pesky beehive someone spotted along pit road.
*8.* Too much pre-race Red Bull.
*10.* Entire pit crew kidnapped by space aliens midrace.
*9.* In a fit of rage, Kurt Busch slugs him after mistaking him for a reporter.
*8.* DuPont sponsorship replaced by Planter’s Peanuts; contract requires the No. 24 Chevy to be painted bright green. New contract also requires Jeff to wear the “Mr. Peanut” suit (complete with top hat and monocle).
*10.* “Remember Jimmie, we’re the second best crew in NASCAR!”
*9.* “Just wanted to say ‘Good Luck’ and we’re all counting on you.”
*8.* “Mr Johnson! Mr. Johnson! Can I have your autograph?”
*7.* Hey! Come back here! You can’t drive off without paying!”
*10.* “I sure won’t fit the template if an inspector shows up with one….”
*9.* “I haven’t had this much fun since NASCAR measured the C-posts on this car.”
*8.* “OK, where’s the nearest drive-thru window. I’m starved.”
*10.* He was still upset Newt Gingrich dropped out of the Presidential race.
*9.* Confused Ryan Newman with that Lexus one of his Penske engineers used to drive. Just wanted to come by and say “hello.”
*8.* Been hanging out at Jeremy Mayfield’s place a lot lately… oh that’s right, Jeremy doesn’t have a place anymore.
*10.* Pocono: Because We Can’t Count to 4.
*9.* Sears Point: No Whiners, Just Wine.
*8.* Charlotte: Bruton… or Humpy… Will Leave The Lights On For You. We’re not quite sure.
*7.* Homestead: Who Needs the Lady In Black? We’ve Got Old Guys in Speedos!
*10.* As a racer, despite a few wins, he always was a bit slow.
*9.* Tough to get cell reception from under a bridge, making communication with his lawyer almost impossible.
*8.* Can’t find a ride… to the courthouse.
*10.* Juan Pablo Montoya thinks the jet drier should count for ten cautions, so he’s done wrecking people for half the year.
*9.* Jimmy Spencer is sitting home on a couch. And so is Robby Gordon… and Buckshot Jones…
*8.* Someone finally told Kyle Busch that “through the field” wasn’t supposed to be taken literally.
*10.* The NASCAR season started already?
*9.* The green flag runs were so long, Al Roker reported that some of the recent tornadoes in the area were traced to Darrell Waltrip’s “vortex” theory.
*8.* I was able to watch a rose bloom from my front porch.
*7.* No overtime for the race track wall painter this week.
*10.* For Dale Earnhardt Jr. – A spot in the All-Star race. (Like he wasn’t going to win the fan vote anyway.)
*9.* For Jeff Gordon – A new razor to get rid of whatever that is he’s trying to grow on his chin.
*8.* For Dave Blaney – A number to call his own.
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