NASCAR Race Weekend Central

Top Ten Rejected Changes For The All-Star Race

*10.* Slowest car in first segment has to be driven into jet dryer at high speed.

*9.* Fans supplied with water balloons and launchers.

*8.* Karaoke contest replaces fan vote for final entry.

Top Ten Reasons Elliott Sadler Cannot Race a Toyota For MWR

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*10.* Realized that a MWR Cup ride is a lateral move at best, compared to a RCR Nationwide ride (‘Bird in the hand’ so to speak)

*9.* Had brother Hermie and friend Ward Burton handling the negotiations and even Mikey got frustrated and tired of saying “What?”

*8.* He rarely won in Roberts Yates’ equipment in Cup…MWR stuff? Really?!

Top 10 Things Drivers Said to Each Other During The “Jet Dryer Delay”

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*10.* “Is the line at the Porta-Potty still a mile long? I’m dying here!”

*9.* “What is this…. an episode of ‘American _Idle_’?”

*8.* Ryan Newman to anyone who would listen: “Did you hear the joke about how many NASCAR drivers it takes to blow up a jet dryer? Just Juan!!”

Top 10 Wishes For the 2012 NASCAR Season

*10.* Less Danica already!

*9.* Good odds from my bookie as to whether a Busch brother will make a complete ass of themselves sometime during the year.

*8.* Brian France to reassure us as many times as possible during the year of just how good of shape the sport is in because he is so eloquent and such a pleasure to listen to.

Top Ten Things To Look Forward To When NASCAR Celebrates in Las Vegas

*10.* NASCAR, in an attempt to fill the auditorium, drops off a set of free tickets at every strip club. Clothing optional. (Hey, they can’t make it look empty…)

*9.* Kyle Busch visits the Ethel M Chocolate Factory and Botanical Cactus Garden, is denied entry and winds up in a “sticky” situation.

*8.* Tony and Carl jump into some sand buggys and finally settle it on dirt.

Top Ten Alternative Punishments For Kyle Busch

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*10.* Must endure daily, three-hour lectures on “the power of staying positive” by Michael “Motormouth” Waltrip.

*9.* Forced to subsist on failed M&M candy that melts in his hand, not in his mouth until further notice.

*8.* Order Kyle to deliver pink slips, unarmed, to all the Kevin Harvick, Inc. employees losing their jobs.

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