Race Weekend Central

Top Ten NASCAR Causes of Tuesday’s Earthquake

*10.* Michigan TV race ratings reportedly up – another sign of the end times.

*9.* Judge’s gavel after sentencing Kyle Busch to lose his license for 45 days (or so it seemed, to Kyle’s lawyer).

*8.* Mother Nature’s reaction to a Camry becoming the pace car for the Daytona 500.

Top Ten Reasons Greg Biffle REALLY Punched Boris Said

*10.* Because Joey Logano was out of range.

*9.* Boris wasn’t looking … it was supposed to be a surprise!

*8.* Tried to impress his wife so she wouldn’t do the dirty work for him (See: Texas, the soon-to-be-former Eva Busch, NASCAR’s greatest spousal rivalry of all time).

Top Ten Free Agency Deals Carl Edwards Turned Down

*10.* *From Michael Waltrip Racing:* A NAPA KnowHow karaoke machine, free with a Michael Waltrip mixtape and brochure: How To Sell Your Sponsors And Annoy People 101.

*9.* *From Richard Petty Motorsports:* A check that doesn’t actually bounce… but we can’t guarantee that next month.

*8.* *From Earnhardt Ganassi Racing:* One free payback “incident” for any driver of choice, courtesy Juan Pablo Montoya’s front bumper.

Top Ten Reasons Paul Menard REALLY Won the Brickyard 400

*10.* Jeff Gordon mistakenly thought Menard was a lap down and backed off. Who knew?

*9.* Extra pressure put on by office bet: last guy to win gets wedgies at will from his three teammates.

*8.* Tired of being confused with John Wes Townley as “the guy who’s only here on Daddy’s money.”

Top Ten Reasons Kentucky Finally Got A Sprint Cup Race

*10.* Home Depot really needed Joey Logano to win a race.

*9.* NASCAR looked at the schedule and decided there weren’t enough 1.5-mile racetracks. And since they are called “cookie” cutters… who doesn’t like cookies!

*8.* Brian France figured he could stick it to the folks at Indianapolis even more by taking their fans away.

Top Ten Reasons This List is NOT About Juan Pablo’s Rough Driving At Infineon

*10.* I’m still on ‘administrative leave with pay’ from FS for the last Top Ten I did.

*9.* Any reference to “driving it like he stole it” might be taken as racist and not fair to ALL car thieves out there, no matter their ethnicity.

*8.* I’ve been informed by members of the media that are more self righteous than myself that I am ultimately “part of the problem.”

Top 10 Reasons Red Bull Is REALLY Leaving The Sport Next Season

*10.* They realized Mark Martin isn’t exactly the best fit for their 18-49 demographic next season.

*9.* Parts from Toyota Racing Development keep showing up radioactive.

*8.* It’s just like how their own stuff tastes…. sour grapes.

*7.* Inability of fans to grasp they are Austrian, not Australian.

*6.* Finally figured out that race fans consider a Budweiser sufficient as a morning energy drink.

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