NASCAR Race Weekend Central

Top Ten “Boys, Have At It” Rivalries Perfect For Bristol

*10.* Eva Busch vs. Samantha Busch: Because it’s plastic surgery versus using plastic to buy everything in the department store – then doing a half-an-hour show on the purchases for the Style Channel. We know who Nicole Biffle’s rooting for …

*9.* Joey Logano vs. Greg Biffle: Because both men are struggling and desperate early in the season, they’re the red-headed stepchildren in their own teams and like making contact with each other in their spare time. Classic undercard with Tom Logano vs. Nicole Biffle within two minutes after they wreck each other out.

Top 10 NASCAR Gamblers You’ll See At Las Vegas… And Where You’ll Find Them

*10.* *Sam Hornish, Jr. – Roulette* – Begs to spin the wheel so he gets some practice in for the Saturday crash.

*9.* *Brian France – Pai Gow* – Part of his latest initiative to make the point system “simpler;” taking ideas from games and rules no one knows or understands.

*8.* *Trevor Bayne – Blackjack* – Fits his number: 21. Too bad he just got booked for playing underage.

Top Ten Ways Trevor Bayne’s Life Will Change This Week

*10.* With the change of NASCAR’s dress code for the garage area, the scenery around his stall and pits should be a heck of a lot nicer.

*9.* He’ll have an ice cream flavor/sundae named after him… too bad it’s not by Ben and Jerry.

*8.* He probably personally talked to Brian France and now realizes that, damn, Jeff Meyer was right all along.

Top Ten Ways to Stop the Two Car Draft

*10.* Give them all bumper stickers saying, “If you can read this [teeny tiny print], You’re about to be Brake Checked!”

*9.* Everyone can get a bump draft — from Steve Wallace.

*8.* Prohibit bump drafting an hour before the green flag drops. Clearly, having the drivers spend 500 miles in a straight line means better racing.

Top Ten Things Brian France Has Decided to Make Simpler For All To Understand

*10.* How to keep police from charging when you have a little “drunk driving” incident you’d like to sweep under the rug. If Michael Waltrip can write a book…

*9.* Directions for programming his new VCR. Betamax just wasn’t cutting it.

*8.* Explain to his staff that when he holds up two fingers, someone needs to take him poopy.

*7.* Revamp Connecticut’s penalties for public indecency and disorderly conduct so it is easier to get ESPN cronies out of trouble.

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